South Carolina Man Can't Stop Fucking A Horse Named Sugar

Well, in his defense, when you name a horse "Sugar," you're kind of asking for it...

Sports blogger/insufferable blowhard blames sports bloggers for everything

Occasionally glancing at such junk through the years, I was whisked into a cross between a frat boy's porn fantasies and a sports remake of "Revenge of the Nerds.'' Who were these geeks? Why was the Internet, once again, giving semi-lives to people with no lives? Didn't it make a supermarket tabloid look responsible and dignified by comparison, or at least until the New York Post crossed every line imaginable? And wasn't there bound to be a cyberspace version of a nuclear explosion, a boiling point where one of the frequent blog subjects became a victim of some sick act?

A second-guess, this is not. I've been saying it for years. And sadly enough, I've feared it would involve Andrews, whose only sin is being good-looking and blond on a powerful television network watched predominantly by sports-and-female-loving males. Am I blaming sports bloggers and their commenters that a very disturbed person secretly videotaped Andrews as she was standing nude in her hotel room, then posted the five-minute video on the Internet? No, I am not, even though the video was posted under the title "Hot naked blonde who looks a lot like a sports blogger favorite in her hotel room.'' But am I blaming bloggers for helping create the daily sex-and-objectification culture that turned Andrews into an ongoing peep show on their Web sites?

Damn right I am.

-I'd like to speak on behalf of the entire internet by saying---Jay Mariotti, you can just eat our asshole.

Bad ideas

This is why you should never do Twitter searches for your name/internet handle. The results can be traumatizing.

Matt Taibbi on Goldman Sachs

The bank's unprecedented reach and power have enabled it to turn all of America into a giant pumpanddump scam, manipulating whole economic sectors for years at a time, moving the dice game as this or that market collapses, and all the time gorging itself on the unseen costs that are breaking families everywhere — high gas prices, rising consumercredit rates, halfeaten pension funds, mass layoffs, future taxes to pay off bailouts. All that money that you're losing, it's going somewhere, and in both a literal and a figurative sense, Goldman Sachs is where it's going: The bank is a huge, highly sophisticated engine for converting the useful, deployed wealth of society into the least useful, most wasteful and insoluble substance on Earth — pure profit for rich individuals.

They achieve this using the same playbook over and over again. The formula is relatively simple: Goldman positions itself in the middle of a speculative bubble, selling investments they know are crap. Then they hoover up vast sums from the middle and lower floors of society with the aid of a crippled and corrupt state that allows it to rewrite the rules in exchange for the relative pennies the bank throws at political patronage. Finally, when it all goes bust, leaving millions of ordinary citizens broke and starving, they begin the entire process over again, riding in to rescue us all by lending us back our own money at interest, selling themselves as men above greed, just a bunch of really smart guys keeping the wheels greased. They've been pulling this same stunt over and over since the 1920s — and now they're preparing to do it again, creating what may be the biggest and most audacious bubble yet.

-If you haven't read Matt Taibbi's Rolling Stone piece on Goldman Sachs yet, I highly suggest that you do.

And speaking of Goldman Sachs, here's a discussion you'll never see on CNBC, sadly...

Pity the poor OnStar guy who answers a call from a Cajun

This fucking killed me. This guy is just fucking with him but you just know shit like this really happens.

"Paris" (Aeroplane Remix) By Friendly Fires

This song makes me happy...

Quote of the day II

I do not care if Bruno is good for the gays. You know what is good for the gays? A nice dinner at a very expensive restaurant with exceptional service and a dessert on the house, followed by, most likely at a different location, some good old-fashioned ass-fucking. Also maybe a week-long trip to a tiny island on the eastern side of the Peloponnesus.

I think that now it is impossible for a film or television experience to be "good" or "bad" for any group of people. There is no overwhelming media; there is no visual industry that can sway a society, maybe not even incrementally. You know what is good for the gays? Facebook. Also getting it on in rooms with lots of mirrors.

Choire Sicha, excerpted from his review of Bruno.

Quote of the day

I hate buying gifts. I hate shopping for them, even online, which requires only that I click a mouse a few times, maybe fill out your address. NO TIME FOR THAT SHIT.

But you will find, as I have, that the older you get, the more fucking gifts you have to buy for people. I am thirty-two years old. I have two kids. They go to birthday parties for all the kids in their school class, which is a lot of kids. I have two siblings who also have two kids each. I have friends with spouses and kids and all that shit. All of them have birthdays and anniversaries and all kinds of other shit I'm supposed to account for. Not to mention the standard holidays like Mother's Day, Valentine's Day, Polynesian History Hour, and such and such. I could fill out a calendar will all of these "important" events and not have an empty week. Which means I'm buying gifts all over the fucking place.

If you're over the age of 22, you don't deserve gifts for your birthday. Ever. Maybe you get one of those annoying group dinners where everyone splits the fucking bill except for you. And then one rich asshole at the table fucks up the cost average for everyone else by ordering the 15 lb. lobster. But a gift? That I have to wrap? Fuck you in the pants. I knew chicks in New York who always threw themselves birthday parties, expecting everyone to bring them a present. Eat shit, honey. You'll get nothing and like it.

You shouldn't need gifts as you get older. There comes a point in life when gifts stop being useful. I have enough shit laying around. I don't fucking need more of it. The only gift I could ever possibly want is money. Unfortunately, I don't know enough Italians, so I never get it as a present. I get shirts. Oooh, loogit! Something I have to dry clean!

The older you get, the more expensive life becomes. You have to pay for housing, and food, and diapers, and life insurance, and all kinds of other god awful shit. There's NEVER enough money to cover it all, yet there remains this societal burden where we have to get people cards and gifts for shit that is irrelevant TO ME. Oh, your kid just got confirmed? Bully for him. I'm glad he's officially a righteous Christian fuckwit now. But I'm not going to bestow a gift on the kid for it. You know what his gift is? Jesus' love. Suck on that.

It's reached the point now where Mrs. Drew and I are forced to buy so many gifts for other people that we never bother to get shit for each other. Oh look. It's your birthday, honey. Here's an US magazine I stole from the gym. And I'm putting out tonight. You're welcome.

Drew Magary's Guide to Gifting. Go read it.

Hitler is pissed that Sarah Palin quit

This one may be even better than the Michael Jackson one...



And here's my Tuesday Sarah Palin roundup.

I Heart Contessa Brewer!

I could watch this clip of MSNBC's Contessa Brewer talking about my Gawker takedown of Newt Gingrich's shitty Twitter grammar over and over and over again. In fact, I already have.

July 4, 2009

I spent the 4th of July on Coney Island with the beautiful and talented Erin Siegal covering the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating contest for Deadspin/Gawker. A gallery of pics with commentary is here.

Bat-shit crazy, fake baby birthing church lady Sarah Palin threatens to sue the world on the 4th of July

Today, Sarah Palin, Jesus' divine gift to America born with the ability to queef the Star Bangled Banner out of her red, white and blue vagina, spent the 4th of July holiday like all true patriots do...blitzing out bizarre tweets and Facebook messages, topping it all off by having her attorney issue craft a letter which basically threatens to sue anyone on the internet who dares to say anything critical of Sarah (coded within the vague legalese of "baseless allegations").



Naturally, this couldn't go without a response...



What a fucking dolt.

Illustration by Zina Saunders via Zoee

Hitler is pissed that Michael Jackson died

I will never tire of these and this one is one of the funniest ever...

"The world needs more Trigs, not fewer."

Did you see Sarah Palin's resignation speech, the one she timed perfectly late on a federal holiday Friday afternoon? Wow was that one great big barrel of crazy?! Would it be going out on a limb to speculate that something is up, that there's more to this than meets the eye?

The statement today by the Ice Princess way another one of her classics...a rambling, incoherent word soup laden with patriotic cliches, catchphrases and contradictions, but there was seriously something amiss about it. She seemed nervous, frayed, almost as if she was on the verge of coming unhinged. Maybe the squawking waterfowl in the background made her nervous (nice touch Sarah), but I have a feeling that there's so much more to this. I don't buy the notion that her decision to step down Immediately was motivated by her "no more politics as usual" desires. Horseshit.

And, of course, Sarah couldn't resist setting her and her family up for martyrdom by suggesting that comedians cracking jokes about Trig is part of her motivation. Just when you think she can't possibly be more revolting...

Here's the speech as it was covered on MSNBC. Sarah comes in at about the 2 minute mark.



If there's one good thing to come out of this, it's that maybe Palin's wacky announcement will give the cable news outlets something to cover this weekend other than Michael Jackson.



UPDATE 5:22 PM: I've been told by a source that rumors have been swirling for weeks that the IRS has something big on the Palins. What that is is unknown, but I can't wait to find out.

Ridiculous pic in short-shorts with the American flag via Runner's World