"Panic Switch" by Silversun Pickups

Awesome new song by a great band. Their second album, Swoon, was released a couple of weeks ago. You can hear more on their Myspace page.

Somebody please re-muzzle Joe Biden and put him back into his cage immediately!

Oh for fuck's sake, I don't care what Joe says...I'm taking the damn subway! Just like Mayor Bloomberg!



Also, a member of Obama's security team contracted swine flu on the President's recent trip to Mexico. Good times.

Just in case you were wondering, the Republican party is definitely betting the house that another terrorist attack will restore their lost relevance

You know, I suppose it'd be easy to view the ad below that was posted to staggering dildo John Boehner's YouTube page as just another Republican scare ad. It has all the hallmarks of every other ad like it that they've run over the past few years. Ominous and painfully overly-dramatic score stolen straight from the trailer for a Michael Bay movie. Images of jihadists training to kill AMERICAN BABIES. Shit being blown up. But there's something about this one, and I can't quite put my finger on exactly what it is, but there's something about this one that just screams, "yeah, we've come to terms with the fact that we're an impotent, intellectually bankrupt body whose only hope for regaining power is to sit around hoping a foreigner can blow up something in a major American city again so we can scream, 'WE TOLD YOU SO.'"

I mean, really, it's just so fucking pathetic. They really do have nothing better to offer than this insane horseshit...


(via The Awl)

What makes this even more pathetic is that when I really take a minute to objectively ponder the question at the heart of the ad, whether or not I feel safer under an Obama presidency, the answer is a resounding YES! Yes Republican dipshits, I DO FEEL SAFER under a president who isn't going around taking shits in the flower gardens of our friends and neighbors! Because you know what? That's usually what results in getting a brick thrown through your living room window!

Didn't these assholes learn anything in kindergarten?

Quote of the day II

When it comes to avoiding the repetition of sin, nothing works like abject contrition. We should, therefore, tell the people of Cuba that we are sorry for having made such a hash of U.S.-Cuban relations for so long. President Obama should speak on our behalf in asking the people of Hiroshima and Nagasaki for forgiveness. He should express our deep collective regret to Iranians and Afghans for what past U.S. interventionism has wrought.

The United States should do these things without any expectations of reciprocity. Regardless of what U.S. officials may say or do, Castro won't fess up to having made his own share of mistakes. The Japanese won't liken Hiroshima to Pearl Harbor and call it a wash. Iran's mullahs and Afghanistan's jihadists won't be offering to a chastened Washington to let bygones be bygones.

No, we apologize to them, but for our own good -- to free ourselves from the accumulated conceits of the American Century and to acknowledge that the United States participated fully in the barbarism, folly and tragedy that defines our time. For those sins, we must hold ourselves accountable.

-Salon's Andrew Basevich makes a compelling case that most of the troubles we currently face abroad are a direct result of our own past follies and that apologizing for those past sins in the quickest way to unfuck ourselves and move forward.

Dos Equis' "Most Interesting Man in the World" commercials

I caught this commercial while watching Sportscenter last night and it just tickled the shit out of me. This is one in a series, but probably my favorite. I just dig it, probably because I have fantasies in my head about being the most interesting man in the world when I grow up...

Quote of the day

Rather than debate the merits of the Obama budget---a plan that contained several major initiatives with the potential to fundamentally change American society---the Republicans seem determined to spend the next four years cutting class, shooting spitballs at Nancy Pelosi and telling reporters that the dog ate their budget. They completely sat out the budget vote; the final plan passed without a single GOP vote in either chamber. Instead they engaged in plenty of name-calling---in fact, some of their efforts in this area have been grossly insulting to America's otherwise outstanding legacy of political shit-slinging.

A stunningly wide array of Republican leaders---from Sen. Chuck Grassley of Iowa to Rep. Roscoe Bartlett of Maryland---crowed hysterically about Obama's "socialism." But the real prize for nutty went to Rep. Michele Bachmann, a drooling dunce of a Minnesota soccer mom who is now a serious contender for the title of dumbest person ever to sit in the House of Representatives. When the Chinese proposed creating a new system for international reserves, Bachmann---who founded a charter school that banned the movie Aladdin for promoting witchcraft---sponsored a bill establishing the dollar as the official U.S. currency for ever and ever, despite the fact that no one anywhere was talking about doing anything to the dollar. It was like calling for an end to aid to Turkey because we eat them on Thanksgiving anyway.

The real tragedy is that, at such a desperate moment in our history, true conservatives have a vital role to play. Add together the bank bailouts, the stimulus package and the Obama budget, and what you get is a massive borrowing plan destined to impact the lives of every taxpayer for a generation. What the country needs from the opposition is an intellectually serious attempt to rein in unnecessary waste and spending. But the Republicans pissed away their credibility on fiscal conservatism over the past eight years and then monstrously compounded matters this year by leaning on their shovels and generally half-assing their way through the budget debate, saving the few bullets they had left for a fucking estate-tax exemption. Way to take your jobs seriously, you assholes. And you wonder why you lost the White House?

-Excerpted from Matt Taibbi's essay on the modern Republican party titled "The Class Clowns" in the new issue of Rolling Stone. It's not available online so you'll actually have to buy the magazine to read it. I liked the piece so much I decided to transcribe a couple of paragraphs. So there.

The government is probably responsible for swine flu because they've been experimenting with pig-men since the 50s!

All of this swine flu hysteria got me to thinking about one of my favorite episodes of Seinfeld earlier tonight. It's the one where Kramer claims that the government is creating a mutant race of half man, half pig, pig-men. Could this be where the swine flu came from...

Morning links 4/30/09

-A brothel in Berlin, the appropriately named "Pussy Club," has an amazing special right now...all you can eat, drink and fuck for 70 euros! (Reuters)

-Holy shit Sarah Palin has a fucking Twitter. THERE IS A GOD! I was her 119th follower! YAAAAY! (Sarah Palin's Twitter)

-Mudflats has the scoop on the official announcement regarding Palin's Twitter. (Mudflats)

-Why do magazine editors feel compelled to anally probe every Goddamn relationship Emily Gould gets into? (Vanity Fair)

-Is Barack Obama reading Andrew Sullivan's blog? (HuffPo)

-The WHO has raised the swine flu threat to level five, whatever the fuck that means. (Reuters)

-Only seven people have died from swine flu, not 152. (Sydney Morning Herald)

-Ed Hardy, not satisfied with making clothes for douchebags, is now making wine for douchebags as well. (LA Times)

-Barack Obama's first 100 days in office as told through his Facebook status updates. (Slate)

-Check out this unfortunate slideshow featuring recently dead magazines. (Business Insider)

-American Express is dumping customers like mad for no apparent reason at all. (LA Times)

-Recent polling shows that only 20% of Americans identify themselves as Republicans. (Plum Line)

-Roger Ebert's moving mini-memoir on what it was like to be a newspaper man in his era. (Roger Ebert's Blog)

Arlen Specter was vehemently opposed to party switching before he was in favor of it

Well this is certainly ripe! Look what the communists at CSPAN went and dug up in their archives! It's clip from 2001 of weaselly old ballsack Arlen Specter, of whom I am no fan, ripping former Republican Senator Jim Jeffords a new browneye for having the audacity to...wait for it...LEAVE THE REPUBLICAN PARTY! Even better, Specter was so enraged by Jeffords' traitorous actions, he takes this speaking opportunity on the floor of the Senate to propose a Senate rule to prevent senators from switching parties! Oh the irony is so fucking finger-licking delicious.

Behold...



For the love of God, please let there be some Democratic candidate (no, sit down Chris Matthews!) to step up and beat this fuck in the Pennsylvania Democratic primary in 2010.

Allow me to clarify my feelings regarding Arlen Specter

Yesterday, at the end of a post quoting Arlen Specter's press statement announcing his defection from the Republican party, I mentioned how I've long believed Specter to be a bit of a "weasel." This prompted a couple of people to email asking, "So why do you think Arlen Specter is a weasel Cajun Boy?" So, in a effort to clarify all of this, allow me to elaborate.

Arlen Specter is a political whore, or, to put it in a more dignified manner, an uber-opportunist. I lump Specter in with the Tom Daschles and Chris Dodds of the world...human vermin who would do or say any fucking thing they believed to be politically expedient in order to save their own skin and hold on to power. These guys embody everything that is wrong with modern American politicians, and my greatest hope for Arlen Specter would be for him to be defeated in the Pennsylvania Democratic primary by some young upstart. The more time I've had to digest this whole thing the more it leaves me feeling disgusted. Arlen Specter's been in Washington for 30 fucking years as an elected representative for the love of God. Give someone else a shot, asshole.

You see, there are three types of American politicians in the modern political era. First you have the dyed-in-the-wool ideologues, staunch conservatives and liberals who rarely waver from their popular philosophical doctrine. These people are not very far removed from sheep intellectually, but whatever, I suppose there is something to admired in an unwavering philosophical belief system, despite its utter misguidedness.

Then you have the moderates, people who sway back and forth on some issues, not because they lack will or fortitude, but because they think critically using minds that are perpetually open to differing ideas. In my mind, these are people to be admired. Go figure.

Finally you have the opportunistic vermin, people like Specter, Dascle and Dodd, pricks who would vote in favor of kid-fucking if a pollster showed him that doing so would guarantee his claiming a majority of the votes in the next election or a big contribution from a special interest group. Matt Taibbi once said that Tom Daschle would "suck off a corpse for a cheeseburger," and I believe the same can be said about Arlen Specter. These are politicians who should be roundly loathed. Daschle was famously sent packing by voters in his state a few years ago, and I firmly believe Chris Dodd will soon suffer the same fate. It'd been my hope that the same would befall Arlen Specter. We'll see I suppose.

A friend of mine said to me last night, "but Cajun Boy...aren't you glad that people like Specter are calling out the modern Republican party for being run by goons?" If it were Olympia Snowe or Susan Collins doing the defecting, people who embody the true meaning of what it is to be a good public servant, I'd be a hell of a lot more excited. Specter is doing what he's doing to save his flabby backside from being shit-canned in the Pennsylvania Republican primary, and if you believe anything else even for a second, then you've got your head in your ass. This whole thing is pure political calculation and nothing more. It's just another chapter in a long, storied history of unprincipled political hackdom.

And if you need any more reasons to distrust/hate Arlen Specter, never forget that he was the guy who invented the single bullet theory used by the Warren Commission to explain away the death of John F. Kennedy. Need I say more?

Get your stylish swine flu surgical masks before you all die like assholes!

(click on image to enlarge)

(via Guest of a Guest)

I have a party to go to on Friday night and am thinking of sporting the gorilla mask. It has a nice Planet of the Apes quality to it, don't you think?



Get them here!

Wingnut hero Michele Bachmann knows who is REALLY to blame for the swine flu epidemic

Some how I missed this gem yesterday from Congress' resident simpleton, Michelle Bachmann, after a commenter in an earlier thread linked my calling bullshit on the media's breathless coverage of this story to Bachmann owns unique brand of retardation...

Picture of the day

White House photographer Pete Souza has uploaded a whole new batch of photos to Flickr. I really like this one from page three of the gallery...



The entire set can be viewed here.

Quote of the day

There had been no confirmed deaths in the United States related to swine flu as of Tuesday afternoon. But another virus had killed thousands of people since January and is expected to keep killing hundreds of people every week for the rest of the year.

That one? The regular flu.

An outbreak of swine flu that is suspected in more than 150 deaths in Mexico and has sickened dozens of people in the United States and elsewhere has grabbed the attention of a nervous public and of medical officials worried the strain will continue to mutate and spread.

Experts are nervous that, as a new strain, the swine flu will be harder to stop because there aren't any vaccines to fight it.

But even if there are swine-flu deaths outside Mexico -- and medical experts say there very well may be -- the virus would have a long way to go to match the roughly 36,000 deaths that seasonal influenza causes in the United States each year.

"That happens on an annual basis," Dr. Brian Currie said Tuesday. Currie is vice president and medical director at Montefiore Medical Center in Bronx, New York.

Since January, more than 13,000 people have died of complications from seasonal flu, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's weekly report on the causes of death in the nation.

No fewer than 800 flu-related deaths were reported in any week between January 1 and April 18, the most recent week for which figures were available.

The report looks at deaths in the 122 largest cities in the United States.

Worldwide, the annual death toll from the flu is estimated to be between 250,000 and 500,000.

About 9 out of 10 of those deaths are among people older than 65, Currie said. Most times, they already have health problems that the flu makes worse, he said.

-Doug Gross on CNN.com.

I TOLD YOU PEOPLE! All of the media hysteria about this is a bunch of bullshit! Regular flu kills far more people than any of these fucking "pandemic" flus ever do.

Your golden retriever sure is happy to see Grandma

I just love how the other women do absolutely nothing to try and stop this rape from occurring...


(via Buzzfeed)

Morning links 4/29/09

-Joel Bauer was on Fox News spreading his douchebaggery the other night. (Videogum)

-The White House is investigating the whole "terror plane" shitshow. (AP)

-Here's a pretty great profile of Andrew Sullivan. (Moreintelligentlife.com)

-Be on the lookout for a Carla Bruni sex tape to hit the internet. (Daily Mail)

-Jack Cafferty thinks Dick Cheney should shut the fuck up. (CNN)

-The Atlantic's Caitlin Flanagan lays out an eloquent defense of Alec Baldwin. (The Atlantic)

-60% of Twitter users quit after a month. (Business Insider)

-Joe Posnanski's moving tribute to a fallen writer friend of his. (JoePosnanski.com)

-Louisiana's congressional delegation grades Obama's first 100 days in office. (Nola.com)

-Craigslist's server has contracted a sexually transmitted disease. (The Onion)

-Former GE head Jack Welch has a Twitter. (Jack Welch's Twitter)

Florida enhances its standing as the vortex of American stupidity with horrendous dead Jesus license plate

You know, I was really beginning to worry about Florida there for a while. It seemed as though Texas, with its secession-loving, teabagging wingnuttery, or Alaska, with its clinically insane joke of a governor, would throw the knockout punch and take Florida's title away. But like a true champion, Florida came flying out of the corner in the late rounds and landed this devastating blow. All hail Florida, Land of the Stupid...


(via Lindsay Robertson's Tumblr)

Part of me almost wants to move down there and buy a car just so I can get one of these. Maybe I could get it personalized with something like "IH8 QRS" or "OMG LOL" or something to enhance the retardation inherent in this whole thing. And what the fuck is that in the background? An orange or the sun?

Now seriously, what is it with Jesus freaks loving to display images of their savior being slaughtered? Has it ever occurred to the people who love to do this sort of thing that it's perhaps just a tad ghastly? Then again, some sects of Christianity eat his body and drink his blood and it's accepted as perfectly normal thing, so go figure. If any new upstart religion was to engage in such nonsense, it'd be labeled bizarre and cultish, but this is somehow accepted without a grain of critical thought expended. Whatever, I need to stop before I go completely off the rails here.

But seriously, do any of these people ever stop to think what Jesus would think of all this if he were to, say, rise from the dead? Don't you think he'd be, oh, I don't know, FUCKING DISGUSTED?!?!?!

I got ten bucks that says Tim Tebow is sporting one of these on his rig by week's end.

Jon Stewart is not pleased with yesterday's "terror plane"

I just caught this clip from last night's Daily Show in regards to yesterday's clusterfuck. I think this pretty accurately speaks for me...

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
Mistakes on a Plane
thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Economic Crisis Political Humor

Quote of the day II

I have been a Republican since 1966. I have been working extremely hard for the Party, for its candidates and for the ideals of a Republican Party whose tent is big enough to welcome diverse points of view. While I have been comfortable being a Republican, my Party has not defined who I am. I have taken each issue one at a time and have exercised independent judgment to do what I thought was best for Pennsylvania and the nation.

Since my election in 1980, as part of the Reagan Big Tent, the Republican Party has moved far to the right. Last year, more than 200,000 Republicans in Pennsylvania changed their registration to become Democrats. I now find my political philosophy more in line with Democrats than Republicans.

When I supported the stimulus package, I knew that it would not be popular with the Republican Party. But, I saw the stimulus as necessary to lessen the risk of a far more serious recession than we are now experiencing.

Since then, I have traveled the State, talked to Republican leaders and office-holders and my supporters and I have carefully examined public opinion. It has become clear to me that the stimulus vote caused a schism which makes our differences irreconcilable. On this state of the record, I am unwilling to have my twenty-nine year Senate record judged by the Pennsylvania Republican primary electorate. I have not represented the Republican Party. I have represented the people of Pennsylvania.

I have decided to run for re-election in 2010 in the Democratic primary.

I am ready, willing and anxious to take on all comers and have my candidacy for re-election determined in a general election.

I deeply regret that I will be disappointing many friends and supporters. I can understand their disappointment. I am also disappointed that so many in the Party I have worked for for more than four decades do not want me to be their candidate. It is very painful on both sides. I thank specially Senators McConnell and Cornyn for their forbearance.

I am not making this decision because there are no important and interesting opportunities outside the Senate. I take on this complicated run for re-election because I am deeply concerned about the future of our country and I believe I have a significant contribution to make on many of the key issues of the day, especially medical research. NIH funding has saved or lengthened thousands of lives, including mine, and much more needs to be done. And my seniority is very important to continue to bring important projects vital to Pennsylvania's economy.

I am taking this action now because there are fewer than thirteen months to the 2010 Pennsylvania Primary and there is much to be done in preparation for that election. Upon request, I will return campaign contributions contributed during this cycle.

While each member of the Senate caucuses with his Party, what each of us hopes to accomplish is distinct from his party affiliation. The American people do not care which Party solves the problems confronting our nation. And no Senator, no matter how loyal he is to his Party, should or would put party loyalty above his duty to the state and nation.

My change in party affiliation does not mean that I will be a party-line voter any more for the Democrats that I have been for the Republicans. Unlike Senator Jeffords' switch which changed party control, I will not be an automatic 60th vote for cloture. For example, my position on Employees Free Choice (Card Check) will not change.

Whatever my party affiliation, I will continue to be guided by President Kennedy's statement that sometimes Party asks too much. When it does, I will continue my independent voting and follow my conscience on what I think is best for Pennsylvania and America.

-Longtime Pennsylvania Senator Arlen Specter has left the Republican Party.

Say what you want about him, Specter ain't no fool. He looked out over the political landscape of his state and saw that the moderate Republicans who make up his base were leaving the party in droves and in doing so would increase his chances of being defeated by an opponent who catered to the party's fringe base of teabagging Jesus freaks. Whatever, I've never really been a fan of Arlen Specter. I've always thought him to be a bit of a weasel. But this certainly makes sense for him, both personally and politically.

"What is a Cajun?" by Bob Hamm

Longtime editor of the Lafayette, Louisiana Daily Advertiser Bob Hamm died last week. I met Bob, a beloved figure in the area, years ago and found him to be a delightful human being. Unbeknownst to me until yesterday, Hamm once penned a poem explaining what a Cajun person is, and it's pretty spot-on, so I decided to print it here...

Between the red hills of North Louisiana and the blue waters of the
Gulf of Mexico, lives the Cajun. Among the marshes and the bayous, the
tall oaks and whispering moss, he carries on the traditions of his
hardy Nova Scotian ancestors, les Acadiens (the Acadians), whose
flight from persecution brought them to the lush South Louisiana soil
over two centuries ago.

In other parts of the world, little girls are made of sugar and spice
and everything nice, while little boys are made of snips and snails
and puppy dog tails.

Little Cajun children are made of gumbo, boudin and sauce piquante . .
. crawfish stew and Oreilles de Cochon.

A Cajun child is given bayous to fish in, marshes to trap in, room to
grow in and churches to worship in.

A Cajun likes fiddles and accordions in his music, plenty of pepper in
his courtbouillon, shrimp in his nets, speed in his horses,
neighborliness in his neighbors and love in his home.

A Cajun dislikes people who don’t laugh enough, fish enough, or enjoy
enough of all the good things God has given to the Cajun Country.

He doesn’t like to be hurried when he’s resting or distracted when
he’s working. He doesn’t like to see people unhappy, and he’ll do all
he can or give all he has to bring a smile to a face stricken with
sadness.

A Cajun likes to dance and laugh and sing when his week of hard work has ended.

And just as Saturday night at the fais-do-do replenishes his store of
energy and his personal balance so he can meet the next week’s chores
with vigor, Sunday at Church refreshes his spiritual and moral values
and keeps strong his always sustaining faith.

A link with a proud past, a Cajun is a man of tolerance who will let
the world go its way if the world will let him go his. He is a man of
great friendliness who will give you the crawfish off his table, the
Sac-au-Lait off his hook or the shirt off his back.

But if you cross a Cajun, he’ll give you the back of his hand or the
toe of his boot. If he likes you, he’ll give you his whole wide,
wonderful world. If he doesn’t, he’ll give you a wide berth.

A Cajun is a complex person, with as many ingredients in his makeup as
there are in the gumbo Mama makes for special company.

He has tolerance for those who earn it ... charity for those who need
it ... a smile for those who will return it ... and love for all who
will share it.

BUT ... a Cajun can be as stubborn as a mule and as ornery as an
alligator. If he sets his head on something, he’ll fight a circle saw
before he’ll yield to your opinions.

You’d as well argue with a fence post as try to change the mind of a Cajun.
And, as fun-loving as he is, a Cajun can work as long and hard as any
man. He carved out “Acadiana” by hand, from the swamps and marshes and
uncultivated prairies.
But when the work is done and the argument ended, a Cajun can sweep
you right into a wonderful world of joie de vivre with an accordion
chorus of “Jolie Blonde” and a handful of happy little words.
Five little words to be exact:
“Laissez les bon temps rouler!”
Let the good times roll!

Thanks for sending this over Ruth. And see you on the other side Bob.

Jim Rome on "softball guy"

Since the weather heated up a few days ago, I've received multiple solicitations from friends to play on their softball teams. This brought to mind a classic riff on "softball guy" by Jim Rome on his radio show. I checked YouTube and whatdoyaknow, an audio recording was there. Everybody knows one of these guys, right?

Quote of the day

What has Barack Obama meant to the city almost destroyed by federal malfeasance in 2005? The best, and the worst, one can say is that he's lived up to his campaign promises. He promised health-care reform, energy reform, a doubling-down in Afghanistan--we're getting all that (or at least a fight for all that). He made a vague assertion that he'd make real the promises President Bush uttered that eerie, floodlit night in an otherwise-darkened Jackson Square, and all the administration has offered to New Orleans so far has been a fact-finding trip by Janet Napolitano, who observed that "no levee can be built high enough to withstand a hurricane like Katrina". So, more facts need to be found, at least for the DHS Secretary.

Here's one: there was not one dollar in the stimulus package, not one out of 700-billion-plus, to help the rebuilding of the tattered levee-floodwall system (despite the Corps of Engineers' statement, a few weeks ago, that, supposedly because of money shortfall, they would choose the "technically not superior" solution to the repair of one poorly-built floodwall; not one dollar out of 700-billion-plus to accelerate the restoration of the coastal wetlands that buffer New Orleans from stronger hurricanes, despite the fact that human activity, including Corps of Engineers-built canals and oil company pipelines, have caused most of the destruction of the wetlands. Not shovel ready? The only thing readier for a shovel is the hope that the new administration might really bring the nation's attention to the federal government's responsibility for the disaster, not just for the lackluster response, and might step up to its responsibility to do the job right this time.

-Harry Shearer on New Orleans during Obama's first 100 days in office.

Pack your bags Mabel, we're going to Cleveland!

If any of you know any of the young men who were drafted by the Cleveland Browns this past weekend, please forward this post to them and be sure to report back with a detailed description of what their faces looked like when they saw it...

Morning links 4/28/09

-Should I be worried about swine flu? (shouldibeworriedaboutswineflu.com)

-Ever wondered why we humans cry to express grief? (TierneyLab)

-Virginia Heffernan hates blog commenters. (New York Times Magazines)

-"Craigslist killer" Philip Markoff was apparently a closeted gay man who sought sex with transexuals online. (NBC NY)

-Mayor Bloomberg is pissed over that plane flying low over the city yesterday. (NY Daily News)

-An amazing look at Battleship Island, Japan's lost metropolis in the middle of the ocean. (Vice)

-Do "real" men wear shorts? (The Awl)

-Miss California is now officially an icon of modern conservatism. (Gawker)

-I'm not sure what it means in the grand scheme of things, but Hollywood talent agencies Endeavor and William Morris have merged. (Variety)

-Bill Cosby doesn't seem to be a fan of Erin Andrews. (Deadspin)

-What's up with all the politicians using Twitter? (New York Times Magazine)

-Senator Claire McCaskill explains why she uses Twitter. (Claire McCaskill's Tumblr)

-Jets fans attending the NFL Draft did not disaappoint, as usual. (KSK)

-One of my famous writers, the hilariously nutty Jonathan Ames, has a Twitter. (Jonathan Ames' Twitter)

In case you didn't know, today was national scare the shit out of New Yorkers day, apparently

As you've probably heard by now, earlier today the Department of Defense or the White House, I'm still not sure who exactly is to blame, decided to have a replica of Air Force One, it's backup plane actually, fly low over downtown Manhattan so that a photographer could get a photo of the plane flying with the Statue of Liberty in the frame. The problem with this was that they failed to notify anyone about this, so when a low-flying plane being tailed by a military fighter jet made several passes over the city and Hudson river, many people freaked the fuck out. You see, it seems New Yorkers are a bit sensitive to this sort of thing for some, ugh, odd reason. So if it wasn't enough that our morning newspapers were filled with horror stories of a potential swine flu outbreak, many people were convinced that it was 911 all over again. Many residential and commercial buildings were evacuated. The markets tanked. It was, at the very least, a bit of a shitshow.

Seriously, WHAT. THE. FUCK.

I've been scanning Youtube periodically throughout the day looking for a good video clip that I feel accurately captured the concern many people felt this morning. My friend John Carney over at Clusterstock dug one up taken by a woman from the balcony of her Tribeca apartment. You can sort of hear the fear felt by many when she utters the words, "oh my god...it's a hijacking!"



Even better, in addition to just being downright stupid, the photo op orchestrated by the Defense Department may have been a felony.

UPDATE: Here's another clip from earlier today, this one capturing a bunch of terrified workers and tourists running for their lives in Battery Park, dug up by Ryan Tate at Gawker.



Meanwhile, this guy is apparently the person responsible for the flap.

How dare the Popeye's on Lake Ave. run out of fried chicken!

I'm not sure what's sadder...the irrational anger of the people being interviewed, or the fact that they were being interviewed for a story on the local news in the first place. All I'm certain of is this...if Al Copeland were still alive, this would never happen!


(via Videogum)

Quote of the day II

Although scientists lack the knowledge to predict when and what strain will cause the next influenza pandemic, they say they are convinced that another one is inevitable and so preparation must start as soon as a threat is detected.

That kind of immediate action occurred in 1976 after four cases of swine influenza were detected at Fort Dix, a military base in New Jersey. Fearing that the cases represented an early warning of an impending pandemic of influenza, Public Health Service officials rushed President Gerald R. Ford, who was running for re-election, into recommending a swine influenza shot for every American.

Mr. Ford proposed a $135 million program to make enough vaccine to immunize 200 million people, about 95 percent of the United States population at the time. It was the government's first effort to immunize all Americans against one disease in one program, and Congress authorized it.

But the effort was suspended shortly after it began because a paralyzing ailment, Guillain-Barré syndrome, occurred among a small number of the 42 million vaccine recipients.

A few cases of the syndrome had been linked to influenza vaccine, but government officials failed to mention the risk in the consent form or to discuss it publicly.

The feared killer disease never came. But by the time the effort ended, 535 cases of Guillain-Barré had been diagnosed, including 23 deaths, outnumbering the mostly mild 230 cases of swine flu at Fort Dix. The virus did not spread. The immunization plan was a fiasco.

-Lawrence Altman in a 2006 NY Times op-ed piece.

Is this whole swine flu hysteria a bunch of bullshit?

Last night I was beginning to think that I was the only one who thought this whole swine flu craziness was a bunch of bullshit. But then today, others have stepped forward with their own assertions that this whole thing is, well, BULLSHIT.

Why would such a thing happen? Well, health scares such as these equal big dollars for media companies in the form of higher news ratings, more sales at the newstand, etc. Politicians get to parade around in front of microphones and cameras pretending to be heroic. Matt Drudge has turned his site into swine flu news central, which leads me to believe that conservatives are angling to blame the whole thing on Obama for having gone to Mexico or something (It is interesting to note however, that Republicans mocked and ridiculed using federal dollars for pandemic prevention in the recent stimulus package, ultimately killing the money set aside for it). And oh, let's not forget the pharmaceutical companies who stand to make billions selling vaccines. Every way I look at it, this whole thing stinks.

Look, a few people are likely to get sick from this little bug. A couple of people, most likely those already in poor health, will die from it. But will it wipe out huge swaths of humanity? No. Absolutely not.

Need further proof? Take a look at these scary PSA's from the 1970s, remnants of the last great American swine flu outbreak. Surely you remember that one, right? Surely you remember the thousands who perished bleeding pig blood from their assholes, right? No?! Oh yeah, of course not, BECAUSE IT DIDN'T HAPPEN!


(via Buzzfeed)

David Duke, Louisiana's most beloved former grand wizard of the Klan/elected official, has been exiled from the Czech Republic

Oh noes! It seems as though poor ole David Duke is a man without a country again!

Duke,59, was in Prague on an invitation from a neo-Nazi group to promote the Czech translation of his book "My Awakening." Police took him into custody Friday on suspicion of denying the Holocaust, which is a crime in the Czech Republic.

Prague's Charles University also banned Duke from giving a lecture there Friday. He was scheduled to give lectures over the weekend in both Prague and the country's second-largest city, Brno.

Duke ran for public office five times, winning only once and serving two years in the state House of Representatives from a Metairie district. He used that post to run for governor in 1991, losing the runoff to Edwin Edwards.

David Duke seems to be running out of countries to live in! Where will he go now? Where can he find a land mass filled backwards-thinking Nazi's who are ignorant enough to spend their money on his backwards-thinking Nazi books? I wonder if he's considered Texas?

KIDDING Texas...don't get your burlap panties all knotted up in a wad, okay.

Hey Texas...on second thought...do you need 20 bucks for a cab?

Some folks would be quite pleased if Texas did secede from the union...


(via Wonkette)

(UPDATE: Texas' dildo governor, Rick Perry, the man inciting all the secessionists into a frothy frenzy, is asking for federal assistance from our communist government to fight off a swine flu outbreak in his state.)

Quote of the day

Five years after the Abu Ghraib revelations, we must acknowledge that our government methodically authorized torture and lied about it. But we also must contemplate the possibility that it did so not just out of a sincere, if criminally misguided, desire to “protect” us but also to promote an unnecessary and catastrophic war. Instead of saving us from “another 9/11,” torture was a tool in the campaign to falsify and exploit 9/11 so that fearful Americans would be bamboozled into a mission that had nothing to do with Al Qaeda. The lying about Iraq remains the original sin from which flows much of the Bush White House’s illegality.

(Sen. Carl) Levin suggests — and I agree — that as additional fact-finding plays out, it’s time for the Justice Department to enlist a panel of two or three apolitical outsiders, perhaps retired federal judges, “to review the mass of material” we already have. The fundamental truth is there, as it long has been. The panel can recommend a legal path that will insure accountability for this wholesale betrayal of American values.

President Obama can talk all he wants about not looking back, but this grotesque past is bigger than even he is. It won’t vanish into a memory hole any more than Andersonville, World War II internment camps or My Lai. The White House, Congress and politicians of both parties should get out of the way. We don’t need another commission. We don’t need any Capitol Hill witch hunts. What we must have are fair trials that at long last uphold and reclaim our nation’s commitment to the rule of law.

-Frank Rich

R.I.P. Bea Arthur, a great American broad

I, like many, was dismayed to learn of Bea Arthur's death over the weekend. I, like many, had long been intrigued and entertained by Arthur and her wicked sense of humor. I loved to watch Maude and Golden Girls growing up (What red-blooded American boy didn't?!?!). In memorandum, here's a clip of one of my favorite Bea Arthur moments, taken from a Comedy Central roast of Pamela Anderson a few years back, in which Bea does a dramatic reading from Anderson's hilariously shitty novel. It's gold...

Morning links 4/27/09

-America is in a full-on panic over the swine flu. (New York Times)

-Just great...the most promising American president in a generation could have been exposed to the swine flu on a recent trip to Mexico. (AP)

-Actress/gay icon Bea Arthur is dead. (Gawker)

-An outbreak of the swine flu has been confimed at a prep school in Queens. (WCBS)

-The 2009 NFL draft has come and gone, and my Saints almost made a move to get Beanie Wells in the first round. (Fanhouse)

-What's going on with the five men in the last four weeks who have gone bananas and murdered their families, then themselves? (New York Post)

-There is a new hard-on drug about to hit the market that is rubbed directly onto the cock. (UK Telegraph)

-America is going nuts for Texts From Last Night! (Textsfromlastnight.com)

Carl Edwards' crash in the 499th lap yesterday at Talledega is one of the freakiest things I've ever seen in sports

Note to self...if ever in my life I attend a NASCAR event, be sure to avoid sitting behind the "catch fence," because that mofo looked like it was about to give out on this one...

Scattered thoughts 4/24/09

-Yesterday I was reading David Karr's piece in the Times about the resignation of New York Observer editor Peter Kaplan when I ran across this paragraph...

He will leave a New York media world that is very different from the one he began covering in The Observer in 1994 — one that is challenged by faltering bottom lines and atomized into dozens of blogs and Web sites. Just last week The Observer broke a story about a Brooklyn con woman, the so-called hipster-grifter, in an article that provided just the kind of New York intrigue and context that had been a hallmark of the newspaper. But Gawker, the Manhattan gossip blog, immediately took custody of the story, annotating it with attitude and reader-submitted sightings of the protagonist that all but obscured where the story came from in the first place.

Reading that struck me as a glaring but easily overlooked microcosm of why newspapers and other "traditional" media organizations are going out of business left and right. On the one hand you have a news organization that pays a writer/reporter a living wage to spend days, weeks, even sometimes months cultivating a story, only for it to hit the web, where it is linked to and commented on in a million different venues, many of which are making money because they're selling ads to feature content generated by someone else, and before you know it the original creator of the story is an afterthought. The thing essentially gets gang-banged to death.

This made me sad.

Why the sadness? Well, mainly because I have a blog, obviously, a moderately-read one, but still, a blog on the internet that people occasionally take time from their lives to read, and while I do provide some original content, I link to and excerpt other people's stories all the time. Granted, I do so with the best intentions...the only reason I post anything on here is to say, "hey, this is really cool and you should go over there and look at it," but I still couldn't help but feel like part of the problem. I mean, I LOVE newspapers and magazines, and I'm deeply troubled over the thought of some of them dying, especially if their death is the result of us people with blogs.

But then I remembered that this sort of thing happens in traditional media ALL THE TIME. Let's say for instance Fox News breaks a story about Barack Obama selling Texas to Hugo Chavez. Well, before you know it, EVERYBODY is on it. CNN, MSNBC, the New York Times, Washington Post, you name it, this will be their lead story. But then the next day the LA Times reports that a high-ranking White House official told them that in order to convince Chavez to buy Texas, Obama gave him a blowjob...IN THE OVAL OFFICE! Well then the story has taken on a whole new life and it begins to spawn all sorts of rhetorical offspring that were conceived by the original story, yet it will rarely, if ever, get credit for it in any way. It sort of becomes like a feeding frenzy in the wild, where one animal may initially bring down the prey only to be left with little to eat once the other members of the herd swoop in and begin ripping flesh from the carcass. Once it starts, there's little or nothing to be done to stop it.

Now, I still have no idea what to do about all this in order to fix it, but I do feel less guilty about it all now than I did when I initially read Carr's piece, so there.

-Here's a question to ponder...if the "Craigslist killer" had responded to an ad for massage services in the back of the Village Voice or New York Magazine, would the news media have labeled him the "Village Voice killer" or "New York Magazine killer?" I doubt it. So why are they doing what they're doing now? Is it out of some sort of deep-seeded resentment over the effect that Craigslist has had on their advertising income in the past few years? This is all kind of retarded, really. I respect Craig Newmark, he and I are good buddies after all, and it's nice that he's made some public statements expressing regret in this matter, but really, he has nothing to feel bad about. A killer is a killer is a killer. The guy would have found his victims one way or another, and at least by doing it through Craigslist there were electronic fingerprints that were used to track him down and arrest him, as they surely will others in the future.

Also, how unlucky in love is the poor bastard who comes along and falls for the fiancee of this guy? Do you think he'll get anally probed by this girl's family, or what? "Well, her last boyfriend turned out to be a psychopath!"

-The NFL draft is this weekend! Hell fucking yeah! Most of the "experts" seem to have my Saints taking either running backs Beanie Wells or Knowshon Moreno (though what's wrong with Pierre Thomas?), or defensive back Malcolm Jenkins. I'm good with all three, though I'd probably prefer to see the Saints try and trade down with someone to get an additional pick in the second or third round. I mean, we only have four picks in the entire draft as it stands. That kind of blows. Or maybe we can trade Robert Meachum for an extra pick. Something. Shit.

-You know what I've noticed about celebrities on Twitter? That when I get a peek inside their brains via 140 character brain droplets and I see how poorly they often communicate what it is they're trying to say, what respect for them I may have had previously is just about fully eroded. Take Demi Moore for instance...I used to really like her in every way, and it truly had nothing to do with a desire to bone her. I just liked her. She seemed cool. Then she started Twittering and I wanted to step on her throat. Go figure! Another case is Kevin Smith, the director. I used to like him a lot, I mean, I wasn't one of those retarded Kevin Smith/Clerks fanboys, but I liked him. Then he started using Twitter to document when he jerked off and when his wife let him play with her "Easter basket," and I was all "EWWWW." Anyway, it's rare that any celebrity's Twitter has enhanced my respect for them in any way. Just sayin'.

-I'm so torn over this whole torture issue. I mean, I'm outraged by the things I've been hearing and reading of late, but I keep trying to bring myself back to most of us were thinking in 2002 and 2003...hell, even Nancy Pelosi didn't seem to be all that bothered with it back then. I don't know...I need more time to process it all I guess, but I'm trying to refrain myself from rushing to judgment. Really, I am.

-It occurred to me earlier today that I'm going to be eating boiled crawfish on every weekend in the month of May. You just can't even begin to imagine how happy that makes me.

The glorious return of "Box Cat"

Hey, remember Maru, the "Box Cat," who was so obsessed with stuffing his fat ass into a small cardboard box that looked as though it once contained yogurt or those protein shakes that old people drink (what the hell is that stuff called again)? Anyway, Box Cat, who is arguably my favorite of all internet cats, is back baby, with a BIGGER BOX! Enjoy...

A brief history of Republican presidents and COMMUNIST dictators

Pull up a chair kids, I've got a story I'd like to tell you. You see, back in the 50s, 60s, 70s, and 80s, there was this thing called the Soviet Union, and they were THE DEVIL because they drank the blood of their own children for breakfast AND they had to stand in line like assholes in the freezing cold for toilet paper and chicken broth and moldy bread, and they HATED US because of our freedom or something. So for about 40 years we were locked in this thing called the Cold War with those degenerate COMMUNIST fucks, and it was hell man, it was bloody fucking hell! Panic and fear spread all across the land as people built bomb-shelters under their homes reinforced with kryptonite and stocked with shotguns and lifetime supplies of delicious bean dip and potted meat. A cottage industry of catastrophe films sprung up when Hollywood realized that they could separate anxious Americans from their money by scaring them into insanity. Children in schools were even forced to watch many of these cinematic abortions, most of them featuring people melting in nuclear attacks, and then they were told that if they didn't want their own selves to go melting, all they had to do was hide under their desks while reciting the Pledge of Allegiance and a few Hail Mary's when the big one went off, and for some reason all of this all made perfect sense.

Now, I know what you're thinking...Thank Jesus God Christ we had Republicans with huge cocks and huger balls in the White House during the greater part of these trying times, because Republicans don't take no shit from no COMMIE DICTATORS, that's for sure! Rather than warmly greeting any of those pinkos, Republican presidents would slap their elephantine dicks on the table and yell "SUCK IT" the second one of those commies approached with an arm extended looking for a handshake or a pair of Levi's for their mistress Olga, right? Right?

Oh well, let's go to the magic Google machine and find some pictures of our big swinging dick Republican presidents beating the asses of COMMUNISTS, shall we?

Oh wait...what's this...Is that Gerald Ford with Leonid I. Brezhnev? Why yes, it is! And for fuck's sake why is he wearing the native headgear of those Godless beet-eaters?



Well, Ford was a vagina! He got beat by that FAGGOT peanut farmer Jimmy Carter, after all. I mean, there's no way a true red, white and blue Republican like Eisenhower, America's great war general, would ever give these pricks the time of day...whoa, wait a minute...what's this...Eisenhower and Nixon with Nikita "We Will Bury You" Khrushchev IN THE WHITE HOUSE?!



WTF? Well, what about Reagan...surely HE wouldn't, not with the evil Gorbachev, would he?



OOOOHHHHHH...and what the fuck is America's sweetheart former first lady Nancy Reagan doing looking like she might give Gorby a handjob while Ronnie's off eating his jelly beans or something?



Nixon and Brezhnev? WTF?! Are they toasting with BOOZE?! What if Nixon gets drunk and sells them Texas?!?! Wait...don't answer that!



Well, certainly Nixon wouldn't shake hands with Chairman Mao, another COMMUNIST, would he? Oh yeah...



Wow, that was instructive, wasn't it? Apparently Republican presidents have a long, storied history of sucking the puckered assholes of TYRANTS and DICTATORS. And when you consider that America avoided being nuked into the Stone Age during the Cold War, it almost seems like getting to know your adversaries and becoming friendly with them actually acts as a deterrent from them starting wars with you? Go figure! Just like in real life with your neighbors and people you work with!

So why is the current crop of Republicans grinding their ballsacks on sandpaper over Obama shaking hands with an impotent, bloviating shitstain like Hugo Chavez? What are they going to do to us again? Do they even have merchant marines and semi-automatic weapons in Venezuela?

Anyway, in case you need reminding of how scary those Soviets were during the Cold War, check out this clip from The Day After. I saw this as a kid and it scared the ever-living shit out of me...

Morning Links 4/24/09

-The Koreans have cloned a puppy and it is fluorescent! (New Scientist)

-Could the New York Times save itself by purchasing Twitter? (Harvard Buisness Review)

-The NFL draft is Saturday! Who will your team pick? Here's a pretty good mock draft from NFL.com. (NFL.com)

-Many congressional leaders were briefed on torture methods in 2002 and voiced no objections to them. (Washington Post)

-This Time magazine article from a 1959 summit between Eisenhower and Nikita Khrushchev is a bit of a fascinating read. (Time)

-Matt Taibbi is back to ripping new assholes for New York Times columnist Tom Friedman. (TrueSlant)

-Look, I love my homeboy Jake Delhomme, but what the fuck are the Panthers thinking giving him a five year, 42 million dollar contract extension? (espn.com)

-Writer/director Tony Gilroy, he of Michael Clayton and Duplicity fame, is one of my favorites right now, and D.T. Max's New Yorker profile of him is quite good. (New Yorker)

-This is old but bears repeating...women who swallow semen lower their risk of getting cancer. (CNN)

-This is what happens when a frog eats a Christmas light. (Buzzfeed)

-Tight end Tony Gonzales is now an Atlanta (grinds teeth) Falcon! (espn.com)

-Larry King has a Twitter. LARRY FUCKING KING! (Larry King's Twitter)

Charlie Rose interviews "Planet Earth" documentarian Alastair Fothergill

Two years ago, when this here blog was in its infancy stages, I raved about the Discovery Channel series "Planet Earth." It remains one of the more remarkable pieces of television I've ever seen, filled with images of events in nature probably never before seen by human eyes, like the birth or a Humpback whale. Now the series has been edited down and released by Disney in the form of a film called "Earth." Last night Charlie Rose had Alastair Fothergill, the director of the film(s) on as his guest...



If you've never seen "Planet Earth," I implore you to rent it, or go see this film at the very least.

The bloodletting of Nicholas Cage's real estate portfolio continues with the listing of his two New Orleans homes, one of which is HAUNTED

Wow, this recession thing is getting really out of hand! First poor ole Nick Cage was forced to sell off his Bavarian castle, now this?!

Cage is seeking a buyer for 1140 Royal, a three-story, purple-gray mansion in the French Quarter located just a block from the home fellow Hollywood luminaries Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie bought two years ago. He is also shopping 2523 Prytania, a Garden District manion with a double gallery and formal gardens.

Dorian Bennett, the broker listing both properties, declined to comment on his high-profile client. The actor, a nephew of director Francis Ford Coppola, had nothing but praise for New Orleans when he appeared on David Letterman's show last fall to discuss a movie he was making here with director Werner Herzog.

"I just love the city. There is just something about New Orleans," Cage said, citing its "incredible mix of cultures and beliefs."

Cage is asking $3.55 million for the French Quarter pad, which has six bedrooms and eight bathrooms and comprises nearly 10,300 square feet. It is known as the LaLaurie mansion, and legend says it is haunted.

During the interview with Letterman last fall, Cage called the mansion "a very notorious house, a very famous house, meaning it is allegedly the most severely haunted house in the United States of America."

"Some people have beach front property," Cage continued. "I have ghost front property."

The actor is asking only $100,000 more for the Royal Street property than he paid for it in December 2006. He told Letterman that the house was well-preserved and that he had performed no major renovations.

He wants $3.45 million for the Prytania Street home, which has six bedrooms and a pool, though he paid $3.4 million for it in June 2005. Cage owns both houses under the business name Hancock Park Real Estate, which has offices in Baton Rouge and Los Angeles.

Now for me all of this raises a huge question...Why the hell did Nick Cage need two Cribs-worthy homes IN THE SAME CITY? I know, I know...for the same reason he needed a Bavarian castle...BECAUSE HE'S NICHOLAS FREAKIN' CAGE!

(via Nola.com)

Hillary Clinton and Mike Pence

Earlier today I quoted Hillary Clinton's reaction to a question from Republican Congressman Mike Pence during testimony she gave during a committee meeting. A couple of people emailed to point out that the video of her response to Pence's question was somewhat powerful, and I agree, so here ya go...



Bravo Hillary! Bravo!

Craigslist is for selling coffee tables

So this happened yesterday...a man pissed off at his ex-girlfriend placed a coffee table that had some, ugh, sentimental value, up for sale on Craigslist. Unfortunately it was flagged and removed, but not before a few people could screen grab it. So here it is in all of its glory. Click on the ad itself to enlarge it...


(via Manhattan Offender)

And fucking on a coffee table? Really? That's a new one for me! How could that be even remotely comfortable?

Watching Larry King interview Levi Johnston was kind of like watching a blind longshoreman perform an abortion

So last night my morbid curiosity got the best of me and I watched Larry King's interview with Levi Johnston and his family. I wish I had those minutes of my life back. The whole thing was just painful. I mean, really, how could it not be when you consider that King is one of the worst interviewers around and combine that with the fact that Levi isn't exactly the most eloquent guy in the world? I tried to ignore it but wound up caving at 2 in the morning and I hate myself for it now. I think this little clip below pretty much sums up the whole thing in that it's a one minute microcosm of the entire interview.

Levi, bruh, please...no more interviews. Just get on with your life.



Also, my internet has been out most of the day, AND I've got a horrible head cold, so I'm ready to kill myself right about now.

Quote of the day

Mr. (Mike) Pence, I have lived a long time now. I grew up at the height of the Cold War, when we were on the hairtrigger alert of nuclear war. I remember virulent anti-American Communist dictators threatening our country on a regular basis. And I remember our Presidents meeting with them, shaking their hands, and negotiating. They did not do so without conditions or without strong principles – but they did so.

I’ve also seen us establish normal relations with Vietnam; I have seen the 30 years of normalized relations with China. And I don’t think there is any contradiction between standing strongly for our principles and our values, and pursuing the give-and-take of diplomatic encounters and negotiating where appropriate.

I think that your strong feelings about Hugo Chavez are certainly understood, because he has clearly been someone who has behaved in ways that don’t accord with our values and our principles. But so were the Soviet leaders, and so did so many others with whom we eventually created an environment in which we could see some changes that benefited the United States of America.

That is my bottom line, Mr. Pence. My bottom line is, I am here to serve my country, which I have loved since I was a little girl. And I’m going to support my President, because he is committed to doing whatever he can, in the time he is given to serve, to make this a better, safer, more secure world. There are different approaches. I respectfully say we have spent eight years trying to isolate Chavez, and what has been the result? I don’t think it’s been in America’s interest.

…President Obama won the election. He beat me in a primary in which he put forth a different approach. And he is now our President, and we all want our President, no matter of which party, succeed, especially in such a perilous time. So I appreciate your strong feelings, but I think that we are pursuing a course that may very well open up some additional opportunities that we hope will be in our interests, and advance our values, and protect our security.

-Hillary Clinton dressing down Republican Congressman Mike Pence yesterday after Pence started whining about Obama shaking hands with Hugo Chavez.

Seriously, where does the Republican party find all of these idiots?

(via inothernews)

Morning links 4/23/09

-Is Britney Spears pregnant AGAIN? (Ohnotheydidnt)

-Freddie Mac CFO David Kellerman committed suicide and now the right-wingers are saying that he was probably murdered by Obama, Barney Frank, and Chris Dodd, just like Bill Clinton and Janet Reno killed Vince Foster. (Politico)

-Of all the jackasses in Congress, Joe Barton may be the biggest of them all. (Wonkette)

-Myspace co-founder Chris DeWolfe has stepped down from his position at the company. (Bloomberg)

-The "Craigslist killer" collected the panties of his victims. Seriously, this dude has to be the stupidest criminal of all-time. (Boston.com)

-The Hollywood trade papers are at war with the blogs and things are getting ugly. (New York Observer)

-I'm starting to warm to Hillary Clinton. (WCBS)

-The editor of the New York Observer is stepping down after fifteen years. (New York Times)

-Just how bad is Mark Penn with numbers? (Matt Iglesias)

-Larry King and Levi Johnston are getting married. (Wonkette)

-Sarah Silverman has a Twitter. (Sarah Silverman's Twitter)

Fox News' Shepard Smith torture heroism: "We are America! I don't give a rat's ass if it helped...we do not fucking torture!"

RUH ROH! Shepard Smith, the bright shining star of common sense and objectivity over at Fox News, went rogue again tonight, BIG TIME! The subject of the debate was torture, and Shep had heard enough from the apologists, and he lost it. Let's hope that the FCC (although it's been brought to my attention that this was a web-only broadcast) and Roger Ailes don't come down too hard on him, for he should get at least one get-out-of-jail-free cards for being the only real patriot on that channel...


(via Wonkette via Gawker)

Letters to Obama written by my teabagging wingnut friends!

Last night I received a scornful screed of an email from a old friend of mine from back home, a friend who happens to be a card-carrying member of the wingnuttery who sends inane letters to the White House ALL THE TIME. He was a Texas teabagger! Come to think of it, he's probably hunched over his Commodore 64 right this second trying to create a doctored image of Obama being bukkaked by Hugo Chavez, Fidel Castro and Kim Jong Il so he can forward it to Sean Hannity and all the other friends of Jesus he keeps in the address book of his AOL account as proof that our Dear Leader is a Muslim-terrorist-commie! (And yes, he still actually still uses AOL!)

Here's how the email opened...

I'm sure you and your "intellectual" faux friends in the blogoshpere and in Utopia (ED. NOTE: This is what he sarcastically refers to New York City as) will get a good knee-slapping laugh out of this one. I mean really, how dare I question the wisdom of the most brilliant leader in the history of time. I know that by doing so, it makes me an obvious fool and clearly a racist. I guess because you people don't agree with my opinions then I should just shut my mouth, work as hard as I can and pay whatever you demand to do with as you wish and never question anything for fear of having one of these labels attached to me. That is exactly what we are being told by YOU and all the liberals who spoke up last week after over one million of us turned out to say that we oppose more spending than all presidents beginning with George Washington combined. Enjoy making fun of how stupid us from the south are because we are unable to comprehend how communism and socialism will work in America when there is not one example on this planet or any other planet where it has been successful. Feel free to cut and paste my latest letter to your president and post it on your life's work so all you libs can have a good laugh and continue to say we should not have an opinion! Good luck with all that.

Well, okay...if you insist! I called him earlier to make sure he still wanted me to post this so all of you brain-washed by the Obama Kool-Aid libtards could read the word of truth, and he insisted upon my doing so, so here it goes...

Mr. President:

I am not fooled by you or your announcement to cut $100 million in gov't spending. What an absolute joke. How dumb do you think people are? For a family earning $40,000 annually, it is the equivalent of cutting $1 from their family budget. This is nonsense. Why don't you cut some real fat from the budget and eliminate government funded abortions, abolish the irs, end acorn, planned parenthood, the nea, and any other gov't funded failed program invented by liberals to make the poor more dependent on government. What happened to all the tea bags that have been sent to the Whitehouse? ARE YOU GETTING THE MESSAGE? DO NOT PUT US 10 TRILLION DOLLARS IN DEBT. SOME OF US ACTUALLY KNOW HOW MUCH THAT REALLY IS. APPARENTLY YOU DO NOT.

(Redacted)
Very Concerned Citizen

So there you have it. ACORN! I knew it! (slaps self violently in forehead with open hand)

You know, now that I give this some thought, since Obama only gets to read ten letters per day out of the thousands that arrive at the White House, all of you pissed off, hopelessly delusional right-wingers should just send me your letters to Obama so I can post them here. I happen to know that some people who work in the Obama administration read this here blog occasionally, so it's possible that one of them can forward your deranged missives to the negro president's Blackberry, the same one that Osama Bin Laden forwards him Jew jokes on! I also have a pretty decent Google page rank, whatever the fuck that means, so it's possible that Obama himself can see your letters on this here blog when he Googles "Lindsay Lohan's well-manicured lady parts" or something.

Sooo...what are you waiting for?!?!

Quote of the day III

I would rather be tied up to stakes in the Kalahari Desert, have honey poured over me and red ants eat out my eyes than open a Twitter account.

-Poor Maureen Dowd was obviously forced by the Times to write something about Twitter.

Beyonce's leaked Today Show "board feed" audio tape is sort of horrifying

So apparently when some pop singers perform live they aren't really singing their songs or something because they're lip-syncing. Shocking! But as the fancy, technologically-enhanced music they're lip-syncing to is being played for the audience, the performers will often still sing into the mike to make it appear more authentic or something. This is what's known in show business as the "board feed," audio being fed into the microphone that isn't going out to the audience.

Well, Beyonce must've really pissed off some sound engineer at NBC or something because someone over there leaked a tape of the board feed from one of her recent performances, and it's somewhat ghastly. Howard Stern played it on his show today. Here's the clip...

Quote of the day II

In an effort to conserve cash, we are eating out less frequently, meaning that I’ve been turning out some pretty dreadful lasagna. Actually, staying home and watching Law & Order reruns has become our new guilty pleasure. It’s a far cry from opening night at the Metropolitan Opera, but it’s not bad. I drive the family crazy by switching off the lights every time we leave a room. Needless to say, we fly commercial. Using the company plane is now out of bounds; we’ve heard there are reporters staking out the private airports.

I have become oddly superstitious. On some level, I feel I’m being punished for too many thoughtless years of assuming that the trappings of success were earned and not given. I’m constantly knocking on wood or offering little good-citizen sacrifices, like manically recycling or chatting with telemarketers.

I’ve watched the skin under my husband’s eyes take on a yellowish hue, and his hair turn from gray to grayer, as he tries to lead his company through this mess. He’s up every night for hours at a stretch, and for the first time, he has health issues. For a person whose life has been punctuated mainly by success—from perennial class president and high-school sports star to Ivy League MBA—failure is the worst of all nightmares. He seems off balance, as though self-confidence were a physical ballast that he is slowly losing. It’s heartbreaking how often he apologizes to me for losing so much of our money, for making so many mistakes.

-An anonymous wife of a CEO whose company was bailed out by the government writes about how their lives have changed in an article titled "Confessions of a TARP Wife" in the current issue of Portfolio.

Western Spaghetti

As of this writing, this video has close to 2 1/2 million views on YouTube, so you may have seen it already, but I just saw it for the first time and liked it, so fuck you, I'm posting it! Enjoy...



Thanks for sending this over Jennifer!

Quote of the day

While we were there a large part of the time we were focused on trying to establish a link between al Qaida and Iraq and we were not successful in establishing a link between al Qaida and Iraq. The more frustrated people got in not being able to establish that link . . . there was more and more pressure to resort to measures that might produce more immediate results. There was constant pressure on the intelligence agencies and the interrogators to do whatever it took to get that information out of the detainees, especially the few high-value ones we had, and when people kept coming up empty, they were told by Cheney's and Rumsfeld's people to push harder. Cheney's and Rumsfeld's people were told repeatedly, by CIA . . . and by others, that there wasn't any reliable intelligence that pointed to operational ties between bin Laden and Saddam, and that no such ties were likely because the two were fundamentally enemies, not allies. (They) blew that off and kept insisting that we'd overlooked something, that the interrogators weren't pushing hard enough, that there had to be something more we could do to get that information.

-Former U.S. Army psychiatrist Maj. Charles Burney explains how interrogators at the Guantanamo Bay prison were pressured by their superiors in the White House and Pentagon to produce evidence of ties between al Qaida and Iraq.

Wow. Are the recently released torture memos causing the dominoes to begin to fall?

Picture of the day

Meet Ashes the hairless chimp...



This photo freaks me the fuck out man.