On use of the word "retarded"
Recently I've had a couple of people make note of the fact that they don't like it when I use the word "retarded" in reference to certain people and their actions, as they view this word as a slight to people with mental disabilities. Personally, I don't feel that way (obviously!). I mean, I don't think I've ever referred to someone who was mentally challenged as "retarded." Maybe as a kid trying to be cool, but never as an adult. It's just not a word I would use in that regard. It lacks sympathy, which is what people who have been stricken with mental disabilities through no fault of their own deserve...lots and lots of sympathy.
Like, I can't imagine applying that word to someone with a mental disability in a normal conversation. Let's say I had a friend who recently gave birth to a child with Down's Syndrome. I couldn't even begin to think about calling up a mutual friend I shared with that person and saying, "did you hear about Maude...she had a retarded baby!" I mean, it's just not something I would say. It's just so 1950s or something, a word from a throwback time where the mentally handicapped were institutionalized and lobotomized with regularity and few people thought twice about it. The word "retarded" is not one that I connect in my mind with mentally handicapped people. It is, however, a word I connect with "normal" people who do and say incredibly stupid things. And I suppose Google does as well because when I checked an online dictionary for an updated definition of the word, take a look at the Google ad that popped up next to it...
Look, I've never really understood why people get their panties in such a wad over some words, I mean they're just words for Christ's sake, but, in fairness, I do understand how some words can evoke visceral reactions. I just never felt that the word "retarded" was one of them. If someone wants to take a shot at convincing me otherwise, go right ahead...my mind is always open. Until then, don't be surprised if you see me use the word "retarded" in reference to Joe the Plumber, Sarah Palin, and a host of others. So there.
(UPDATE: Commenter "KJT" points out that Dan Savage has heard the same gripe from his readers.)
19 comments:
Odd, Dan Savage just wrote about this very issue about a week ago:
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=1487886
@kjt...oh wow thanks, i'll check it out!
I thought this very same thought today but replace 'retarded' w/the curse word of your choice. Who gives a shit, do and say what you want CB.
I dated a special ed teacher who would smack me in the head every time I'd say the word "retarded" in the manner in which you describe. Needless to say, we didn't last long.
it must be in the air, just had this conversation with a friend, regarding "retarded". i say go ahead, say it, use it, there's something satisfying in the way it sounds. obviously you are smart enough to edit this word in mixed company. btw, my sister is retarded, i use this word when a stranger asks what her problem is, and i don't want forged and uncomfortable sympathy. stops people in their tracks. so it is an effective word for that, and even more so, for non-retards doing stupid shit. so there.
CB, I really just think this term is a generational issue. I am 60yrs old and would never use that word as an adjective or a noun or a verb!!!! I have observed however that my children use this word without any reservation and do not at all consider that it might truly offend some people. I really prefer that we use perhaps motherfucker or cocksucker in place of a really offensive word like "retard"
Think of it this way, Caj . . . 'Retarded' is often used these days as an insult. It's used to put-down a person for his/her thinking or behavior. Much in the same way that the word 'gay' is used by children to mean bad or wrong.
But my Aunt Elinor wasn't an idiot. She wasn't stupid or ridiculous in her behavior. I wouldn't insult her or her life (which provided here with many many difficulties to overcome and even more true life-long friends) by calling her a 'retard'. Retarded isn't a bad thing. But often it is incorrectly and insensitively used to belittle a person in some way.
I agree that what a person might say or do can be incredibly inane, stupid, childish and/or just plain wrong but that person isn't retarded, that person is just a politician, actor, or Sarah Palin.
But you know this and when I read your use of the word I know what you mean and don't take it too badly. But it does still hurt to hear. You wouldn't use the words 'gay' 'woman' or 'black' as a put-down. Why use 'retarded' as one?
Disclaimer:
I too am one of those people that bristles at being expected to be overly PC. But you asked for an argument against so I thought I'd chime in.
It kinda makes me laugh to see someone who obviously is so GOOD with words (that would be you, CB) make the comment: "Look, I've never really understood why people get their panties in such a wad over some words, I mean they're just words for Christ's sake." Words hurt. Words cause pain. Words cause wars, even. And in a written medium, words are all you have.
More than that, words are the foundation of the way we communicate. Words have meaning beyond just the literal dictionary meaning. Choosing the RIGHT word can convey so many different levels of meaning.
Perhaps you don't see that using "retarded" is that bad. I do think that equating stupidity of action or thought with those who actually do suffer from developmental or emotional problems is hurtful and wrong.
This one hits close to home. For many years I worked at a small group home for mentally retarded adult men. And, yes, they were known as being MR/DD. Those men had varying levels of intelligence and function, and various causes of their MR/DD among them Down Syndrome, Fragile X, etc. The thing is, they know they're 'retarded'..especially the ones with higher IQs...they've been called retarded their whole lives when they tried to go to school or ride a city bus or buy pipe tobacco or ask a girl for a date.
When I would take one or two of them out into the community for an outing, you could just feel how apprehensive they were and how painfully aware of the stares and avoidance of other people..how aware they were of being retarded. And now that I have moved 600 miles away, I miss those guys more than I do my own mother. I miss their dignity, their sense of humor, their humanity.
So when I hear someone use the word retarded to describe someone who is an idiot, I think of Roosevelt and Ed and JP and Bob and Jay and Allen and sweet, retarded, autistic Sean. They deserve better than to be an insult.
Two of my closest friends, one being my very best friend, both have severely handicapped sisters. One has Downs Syndrome, and the other is kind of a mix of autism and a few others. They BOTH refer to their sister's as retarded (in a sort of fun, lovingly playful way) and call themselves "members of the retarded sister club." Granted they would probably hurt someone who said their kin was retarded, but none the less, they understand that a word is just a word, and when I accidentally slip up and use it, they don't mind at all.
It's like when girls call each other "bitch" in a loving way, or homosexuals call each other "fags." If people use it in the right context and it's obviously not meant to be demeaning (as in, Palin is retarded and it's demeaning to her, not the mentally disabled) then people should get their panties out of a wad.
Is it kind of like how you would never actually call a black person "nigger", but you might say things like "nigger-rigged" or "nigger rich"? They're just words, right? What's the difference?
If you're genuinely interested, Shakespeare's Sister has some really thought-provoking essays on language, context, and political correctness.
Here's one:
http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2006/07/off-limits-humor.html
Kara nailed it.
I love reading your blog but I’m bewildered by your use the words “retard” and "retarded." The reason you use “retarded” as a synonym for “stupid” is because that is how you understand the meaning of the word, and to deny that seems incredibly disingenuous.
I'm 55. When I was in high school, I was a teacher's aid and tutor for students who were officially referred to as "educably mentally handicapped." This was a relatively new and “enlightened” replacement for the label “mentally retarded.” I was shocked by how frequently "normal" kids would physically and verbally abuse the special needs kids. It seemed acceptable to most “normal” kids to disparage and embarrass special needs kids by calling them "retard," and of course, “normal” kids routinely used “retard” as a way of disparaging one-another. And because the special needs kids understood that they were "different," they called themselves and each other "retard," too. It was a soul-shattering attempt to be “normal” by exhibiting the same loathing toward themselves that they perceived from the people they wanted so much to emulate.
One of the saddest and most memorable experiences I had in high school was when one of the kids I tutored asked me to the prom. I fumbled around awkwardly, trying to explain why I wanted to, but couldn’t, accept his invitation. He ended the awkwardness for both of us when he finally said, "never mind...you won’t go with me because I'm a retard."
Kara’s right, words have tremendous power to cause tremendous pain, and the written word is your medium for communicating. You typically communicate in an extraordinary way, and that’s why I keep coming back. But every time I read the word “retard” in this blog, I feel the pain of the kids I knew in high school all over again.
you all sound like a bunch of gay pussy mongoloids. Oh, and I forgot R-E-T-A-R-D-E-D! Go live in merry England with your boyfriend Dan Savage, you Wildean logophiles! I choose to be banned in a MICHAEL SAVAGE America with our limited but effective vocab.
Retarded seems like a 50s term to me too, CB. I never hear it used by the scientific community. No one in my family uses the term, and we have several mentally challenged relatives. It's almost as if it has come to mean something else entirely by casual and derogatory use.
Words such as idiot, moron, cretin, lunatic, are also archaic clinical terms once used for the mentally challenged or mentally ill, but they don't have those meanings any more since they became offensive and outdated. My point is, when I call my crazy lesbian friends "lunatic spinsters", it would surprise me very much if it offended any mentally ill unmarried women born in the last 100 years.
But I guess I have to admit some people are hurt by seemingly harmless words. My mom smacked me for saying "pissed off" once. My best friend nearly cried when I kidded that we were both getting "old". I just don't understand oversensitivity to words, personally. So many more things in this world to get all worked up about than a word someone used.
I really don't have an opinion on the use of the word, but I thought you may find this interesting. The Black Eyed Peas have a song called "Let's Get It Started..." The first few times they perfomed it, it was called, "Let's Get Retarded..." They stated in an interview that they looked down to see some fans in wheelchairs at a show, and immediately re-wrote the song.
Right or wrong, I have no idea. But probably insensitive to refer to a legitimate medical condition to insult someone.
Mornin' Caj,
I don't give a ratshit what term you use to describe whomever the fuck you want, especially since it IS your blog, but you do have a wide vocabulary to choose from.
One of my favorites - "douchenozzle".
To the rest of you, it can get tough around here, wear a cup...
slam
Personally I love the fact that you think someone should have to convince you to not use the word retarded. Ugh. What a joke you are redneck boy. That's okay, right? I mean that's what you are so why not just call it as I see it. Why not run into a movie theater and scream fire. I mean, you can right? So what if people get hurt. It's your right to do whatever you want without having to think about anyone else in the human race, especially the most vulnerable of our population.
People living with an intellectual disability are asking you not to use the word. They are saying that it makes them feel bad, it dehumanizes them. Guess that's just not enough for you. Well, what do you expect from an ignorant hick who made it to the big city.
I can't prove that there is a connection between the systemic violence against people living with special needs and people like you who don't really care about how their words effect others. Yet I bet there is a connection. Forced human "cockfights" at Corpus Christi School, forced slave labor at Attalisa in Iowa, and let's not forget the Minnesota National Guard convicted for kidnapping and torturing a man with an intellectual disability. I believe it all starts with one word, retard.
A word you feel you just can't give up because you just don't get it.
Bet you're pissed you can't use the N word anymore, right? Poor you.
@HannahJ
Ah! An ignorance and intolerance lecture coming from a person who has shown their own preconceived and (to anyone familiar with the greater New Orleans area) obviously biased and baseless guesses as to what types of person lives in the "south" (which is invariably one big homogenous culture of hicks that encompasses the entire country both south and west of Pennsylvania in the minds of those like you). Hey! That sounds an awful lot like the characteristics of the "redneck" stereotype! Perhaps some travel would suit you, Debbie-Sue?
Basically your argument against CB is that you, with no facts, citations, or reasoning other than emotion, have determined that the usage of a word is responsible for violence against a minority? No deeper sociological reasoning at all?
Brilliant.
You should run for public office.
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