My possible run-in on the street with Joe the Plumber

So the other day I was running around the city in the afternoon getting shit done (Joel Bauer would've been proud!) when I popped out of the 6 train station at the corner of 23rd and Park. Upon my entry onto the street, I immediately noticed a man walking towards me who bore a striking resemblance to none other than Joe the Plumber, noted pawn of the Republican party's extra-chromosome wing and an ejaculation that should have been swallowed long ago. Now, when I say that this guy resembled Joe the Plumber, I mean he looked exactly like JTP in every way! Though he wore a black baseball cap over his shaved head with its bill pulled low to cover his face, I got a full, straight-on look at him and there was little doubt in my mind that it was him. He even seemed to be around the right height and weight. Everything checked out.

I'd gotten off of the train at 23rd and Park to visit the Sprint store housed in the bottom floor of the Flatiron building, so I started to walk in that direction. Trouble was this was in the opposite direction that my JTP-looking person was headed, and it was gnawing at the core of my soul with each passing second to know whether of not this guy was in fact JTP, not to mention the fact that if it was indeed JTP, there was no way that I could let this opportunity pass without telling him that I thought he was, well, a fucking idiot. Though approaching "celebrities" on the streets of New York is not something that I make a habit of doing, with the exception of Amanda Peet of course, I figured that to not approach him would be downright cowardly, not to mention that the potential regret over such a missed opportunity would haunt my dreams forever, and I certainly didn't want to let that happen, so I circled back to catch up with the alleged JTP and approach him.

I was fully stalking someone I believed to be Joe the Plumber on the streets of New York, and I don't think I've ever engaged in anything so thrilling, yet so very pathetic at the same time.

But alas...Luckily for me, the light at the corner had turned and he was standing there waiting to cross the street. By the time I caught up with him, the JTP-looking person had struck up a conversation with an attractive young lady also waiting to cross. From his "so how do you like living in New York?" line of questioning/flirtation, I was able to ascertain that the JTP-looking person was definitely not a local, which only served to increase my belief that it was actually JTP standing before me. But the problem was that now the guy was engaged in conversation with another person, and to interrupt at this point just struck me as rude. I'm an ethical stalker, you see. So I held back and casually snapped this photo of my JTP-looking person making the rap on my Blackberry and posted it to my Twitter account...



I also got this shot of my JTP-looking person asking for directions just after the girl he'd been talking to ditched him to go into the Time Warner office to pay her cable bill or something...



So now he was free and walked down the street, finally popping in to Best Buy. This was where I finally made my move, in the DVD aisle to be precise...

"Excuse me...I'm sorry to bother you, but are you Joe the Plumber?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

And with that he turned around and scurried away, never making eye contact or responding with a "No I'm Bob Smith" or anything like that, as one might expect someone to do when they've been mistakenly identified.

"I'm sorry...let me re-phrase that...are you Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher?"

Nothing. He said absolutely nothing and continued to walk away, headed in the direction of the exit.

Now, I've considered the fact that this may just have been some poor shlep who has the great misfortune to both look and sound like humanity's most prodigious shitstain and he's mortified that people confuse him for that horrible, horrible human dildo, and really, who could blame him, but as far as I'm concerned, this was Joe the Plumber, probably in town to lead dozens in some sort of pathetic tea bag toss into the Hudson river over tax increases that don't even come close to effecting them, and I WON THIS FIGHT DAMMIT!

So there!