When will America's vast airport employee conspiracy against family values-loving Republican senators like Larry Craig and David Vitter be exposed?

(pic via Wonkette)

Seriously, when will the employees of this nation's airports stop fucking with the totally important people sent by Jesus to save us from ourselves like Larry Craig and David Vitter? First these evil miscreants tried to take down Craig for merely rhythmically tapping his foot in a bathroom stall while taking a shit in a manner strikingly similar to a "I want you to pound my tight ass" code frequently used by horny gay men. Now they've totally went and fucked with the wrong dude, Louisiana's own David Vitter...

After missing a flight last Thursday from Washington to New Orleans, Louisiana Sen. David Vitter opened an armed security door and went off on a United Airlines employee, according to a report filed Wednesday by (paid-restricted) Roll Call.

The door sounded a security alarm.

Vitter had arrived at the gate for a flight from Dulles Airport, only to find that the door had been closed twenty minutes prior to departure.

After setting off the security alarm, the Louisiana senator proceeded to dress down an airline employee who told him entering the restricted area was forbidden. He invoked his standing as a senator, delivering a "do-you-know-who-I-am" tirade, the paper said.

The airline worker then announced he was going to summon security.

"Vitter, according to the witness, remained defiant, yelling that the employee could call the police if he wanted to and their supervisors, who, presumably, might be more impressed with his Senator's pin," the paper's Heard on the Hill column noted. "But after talking a huffy big game, Vitter apparently thought better of pushing the confrontation any further. When the gate attendant left to find a security guard, Vitter turned tail and simply fled the scene."

What's the matter with these airport people?! Don't they realize that David Vitter had probably been binging for the previous 48 hours on short ribs, Krispy Kremes, and creamed corn so that he could offer up a big, juicy dump for the D-grade hooker waiting for him with a box of Depends in a pay-by-the-hour motel on Airline Highway?! He had to get on that flight! Geez!

Vitter, naturally, is denying all of this, just like he did when he was accused of being a whore-monger. So judge him accordingly.