New York named faggiest city in America by disgusting snack food eaten almost exclusively by rednecks

The other day a friend came over to my office for us to discuss a project we're working on together. At some point, both of us feeling rather famished, we strolled over to the vending machine and and surveyed the options. It was on the weekend, Sunday to be precise, and the supply of available options was quite thin, presumably because the snack machine guy comes to refill it every Monday and almost a week had past since it'd been stocked. Anyway, one of the few snack food options still available in the machine were bags of Combos.



Disgusted by this rather unfortunate circumstance, I made a remark to my friend that went something along the lines of this...

Who eats that shit? Seriously, Combos have to be the worst snack food ever invented. They're just fucking gross. Combos and Corn Nuts. THE. WORST. SNACK. FOODS. EVER.

Have you ever had Combos? They're like burnt pieces of dough injected with flavored jizz. They're a culinary abomination!

And then today I got an email from a reader named Amy in Kentucky who passed along an article from a news station in Nashville...

Apparently having too many home furnishing stores like Ikea in your city is a sign of being "unmanly."

At least that's the conclusion of a study released Thursday that ranks "America's Manliest Cities" on criteria such as the number of professional major league sports teams, popularity of tools and hardware, and frequency of monster truck rallies.

Nashville came out on top in the study conducted by Sperling's BestPlaces. Mars Snackfood US and its Combos snack food brand commissioned the study. The ranking is part of the Combos launch of its Ultimate Man Zone Sweepstakes, which awards prize packages to upgrade men's tailgating, grilling, home theater or gaming "zones."

New York City finished last out of 50 of the largest U.S. metropolitan areas.

You see, now it all makes sense to me. The reason that I don't like Combos is because I'm too deeply immersed into the cultural phenomenon of faggotism that is life in New York City, and I'm just completely incapable of appreciating such things. Otherwise, maybe me and the other pussy-boys who live here would be fit to win some sort of prize in the "Ultimate Man Zone Sweepstakes." Maybe a bunch of smoked meats. Or a rifle with a scope. Or perhaps some sort of NASCAR memorabilia. Shit, maybe even somebody named Dale, Ricky or Bobby might actually come visit us and show us how to be real men. Oh well. I guess we'll just have to make due with our ridiculously beautiful woman, plethora of cultural stimuli, and evolved collective sense of being.

And no, there's nothing about "Ultimate Man Zone Sweepstakes" that sounds remotely gay...nope...nothing at all.