If there is a God, LSU will end the collegiate career of UNC's Tyler Hansbrough, the Tim Tebow of college basketball, later today
I've gotten a few emails in the past couple of weeks from people wanting to know why I hate Tyler Hansbrough so much. I can't really explain it other than to say that I hate him for the same reasons I hate Tim Tebow. In fact, now that I think about it, Tyler Hansbrough is truly the Tim Tebow of college basketball, minus the Jesus Freakery with the circumcisions and all. They're both ridiculously overhyped college athletes who will do absolutely nothing when they go pro, and there's just something completely loathesome about that. I can't really explain it any better than that.
But at least with Tebow I think he can be legitimately labeled as one of the better college football players of all-time, whereas to label Hansbrough as the same in his sport is a complete fucking joke. He's a 6'10'' brute who has made a career out of tipping in missed shots over smaller players while being rhetorically fellated by every "expert" in ESPN's roster of college basketball "experts," and I can't wait to watch his ass get destroyed regularly when he gets to the NBA. On the rare occasions he'll get minutes that is.
Further, I don't think I can put it much better than my buddy Eamonn did in his recent anti-Hansbrough polemic on Yahoo...
Watching Hansbrough is not fun or entertaining or aesthetically enjoyable. It's just ugly. Hansbrough's game is predicated on physical play, on out-muscling the competition, getting under the hoop and making baskets. When you watch, say, Blake Griffin, you likely often find yourself saying "ooh, nice" or "wow" or "oh my God look out below." When was the last time you said those things about Hansbrough? One of the key components of basketball respect -- seeing a player's skills on display -- are completely out of Hansbrough's equation. He is to hoops what robots are to manufacturing: efficient, ruthlessly effective and utterly depressing to watch.
But that really doesn't get to the heart of the matter. The real reason why people loathe Tyler Hansbrough is much simpler, much less psychological. People dislike Tyler Hansbrough because the media loves him.
If you watch ESPN or even CBS, you know it's true. Dick Vitale loves him. Digger Phelps loves him. Everyone loves him. It has been dogmatically accepted for about three years that Hansbrough is the best big man in the college game, that he's one of the best college players of all-time, that he has no flaws in his game and so on. This hyperbole knows no bounds. And of course Vitale is the worst offender; even as his supporters admit that Hansbrough's game likely isn't suited for the NBA, Vitale uses broadcast time to dare NBA teams to pass on the player. It's insane.
In the hyperbole, Hansbrough's accomplishments get obscured. Yes, he is a good player, and yes, he deserves national and conference accolades. He isn't one of the greatest basketball players to ever play the game. He is, yes, a great player, but when you consistently overshoot that mark and head into undeserved territory -- when you start saying things that don't line up, visually, with what your viewers are seeing unfold in front of them -- you undermine the whole enterprise. Fans, whether rationally or not, turn that disconnect into disgust.
Yes. Yes. YES!
And now today Hansbrough and his North Carolina teammates are taking on LSU in the second round of the NCAA tournament. There are few things that could give me more pleasure than seeing my team send Hanbrough packing for good.
Oddly, the outcome of today's game may depend less on what Hansbrough does or doesn't do than it does on what his teammate Ty Lawson does. More specifically, how effective will Lawson be playing with an injured toe, a question which led someone at Tigerdroppings.com to create this new logo for the Carolina basketball team...
Come to think of it, the whole drama surrounding Ty Lawson's toe speaks volumes about Tyler Hansbrough's worth as a basketball player, don't you think.
Regardless, fuck Tyler Hansbrough. And GEAUX TIGERS!
UPDATE: Well we had a nice little run, but the better team won unfortunately.
12 comments:
See for reference: Danny Ferry. I'm certain Vitale would have fellated him at midcourt back in the day.
Now that my prognostication skills have been exposed as a bigger fraud than Bernie Madoff by the dismal performance of my "bracketbuster" Wake Forest I am undecided whether to support Cleveland State or Siena. But tonight I'll pull for LSU to be Cinderella. (Although it does get hung up in my throat a little bit)
RJ
@rj...wake forest fucked me too. i had them getting to the final four in my bracket. i'm just playing for pride now.
and c'mon RJ...i'd pull for alabama if they were playing unc! in basketball. football, probably not. it's a saban thing.
Seems odd to begrudge a college player being a great college player.
Basketball is an utterly depressing game to watch: a bunch of unnaturally tall men chasing a ball around in circles, jumping up and down like overgrown lab monkeys trying in vain to put the ball through the hoop for a bit of food.
May your sport die a painful death in full view of its legions of fans.
:-)
@nick...stop trying to use logic to poke holes into my irrational hatred.
Man, how much did this end up feeling like a "typical LSU" ending? Wild shots, no set offense, standing around, etc. Oh well. They might be good in 5 years.
I'm with Nick. Sorry Cajun, I'm usually at least 75% on board with what you have to say, but this time I think your irrational hatred is misplaced. (I do think, however, that Tim Tebow absolutely merits it.)
cj,
totally shocked that you took wake to make it to the final four...many were pointing to their late season play as reasons not to take them past the second round...although very few picked them to be blown out in the first.
im pissed that washington lost to purdue...i had wash going to the elite 8...and the big 10 really sux ass
Hansbrough not a factor. Lawson...
Good game anyway.
RJ
I guess Richard Dawkins was right!
"Watching Hansbrough is not fun or entertaining or aesthetically enjoyable. It's just ugly. Hansbrough's game is predicated on physical play, on out-muscling the competition, getting baskets." This is exactly how I felt about Shaq circa 1993 -reading your post made me remember the day I stopped loving the NBA. Though always a dominant force, he had no swiftness or grace that I could appreciate. He went on to win multiple titles and MVPs, I went on to terminate my interest in the game immediately following the Kings' loss in the 2000 Western Conference playoffs (I knew it was only gonna get worse from there.) As you can see, I am privy to all sorts of irrational hatred. And Tyler Hansborough is an abomination to the virtues of college basketball. That being said, I regret missing the last decade of the nba. Who is this Lebron guy, anyway? Though i'm sure you're not as much of a spiteful grudge-holding bonehead as i was, lemme just say, don't let it ruin the game. I'd like to see PIT take it down.
Ahem, what about the Big Ten being overrated just like they are in football? Sweet 16 - Big Ten - 2 teams, SEC - GOOSE EGG!
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