Scattered thoughts 2/6/09

-In case you didn't know it's officially Carnival season back home in New Orleans. I think I'm gonna make a gumbo and stick some Mardi Gras beads up my ass or something this weekend to commemorate the occasion. I can't remember the last time I did, make a gumbo that is, so yeah, it's kind of overdue. I might even see if I can have a King Cake Fed-Exed for Saturday delivery from Meche's in Lafayette or Gambino's in New Orleans and just have a big, Cajun gluttony orgy around here.

Speaking of Mardi Gras, yesterday I received an email from a PR person for Zatarains about some online petition they're starting to make Mardi Gras a national holiday. Now, I'm vehemently opposed to this, as making Mardi Gras a national thing would just cheapen the fuck out of it, but it's not like the "movement" would ever gain any traction anyway. But if you're into such a thing, you can sign the petition here and probably get regular emails from Zatarains with coupons attached to them.

-I read an interesting statistic somewhere recently, and I searched for the original source but couldn't find it, that stated that sales of frozen pizzas are currently down while sales of pizza sold in restaurants like Domino's and Pizza Hut are up. When I read that stat I immediately thought, "hmmm...that could be a great indicator for use in differentiating between an economy in a recession versus an economy in a depression." In the current recession, people are eating out in restaurants less and ordering in more, but they've still not reached a desperation tipping point where they can only feed their families with Geno's frozen pizzas. If sales of frozen pizzas begin to climb, uh oh, we're in for a rough ride. I'll try to keep track of this. We'll call it Cajun Boy's Frozen Pizza Sales Economic Indicator. Or something.

-One of my favorite new websites is Old Jews Telling Jokes. Someone should forward it to David Duke so that he can link to it on his wacky ass new blog.

-I've spent the last few days, like many people I'm sure, scratching my head over the seemingly endless parade of tax issues that keep popping up with Obama's cabinet appointments. They're just doing everything in their power to hand over "limousine liberal" fodder on a silver platter to the Rush Limbaughs and Sean Hannitys of the world from here til the end of fucking time, aren't they? You better believe this is gonna come up time and time again when taxes have to be raised, and trust me, they will have to be raised at some point. It's not a matter of if, but when. Can't you just hear the "liberals just wanna raise taxes that they refuse to pay themselves" mantra that'll be played over and over and over again. Nice going fellas. I mean, Tom Daschle, no surprise. I've never been a fan of the guy and was dismayed at his appointment, so much so that I'm actually glad to see his candidacy torpedoed. Very glad. I think that Matt Taibbi, writing for Rolling Stone, put it best about Daschle at time of his appointment...

When Obama picked Tom Daschle to be the HHS Secretary, I nearly shit my pants. In Washington there are whores and there are whores, and then there is Tom Daschle. Tom Daschle would suck off a corpse for a cheeseburger.

But all the others? Seriously...WHAT. THE. FUCK.

If there's any bright spot out of all of this, it's the fact that Obama's been front and center to take responsibility over it all. How fucking refreshing is it that after eight years of blind denials of ANY mistakes, from WMDs to Katrina to Cheney shooting dudes in the fucking face, to have a leader who is secure enough in his manhood that he's able to step in front of a microphone, look the American people in the eye, and utter the following words..."I fucked up and I'm very sorry and I promise to learn from this mistake so that it doesn't happen again?"

Also...who'd have thought that Hillary would have the smoothest confirmation of all the Obama cabinet appointments?

-In more important news, Wednesday was national signing day in college football. LSU and Alabama top just about every major list of schools that did the best in regards to wrangling the top recruits, which just gives me another reason to hate Nick Saban with the intensity of a million white-hot suns. Fucking prick.

In other college football recruiting news, I'm very happy to see Lane Kiffin swoop in and steal some recruits from Florida and then turn around and talk shit publicly about them. The SEC is so much better when Tennessee and Florida are on equal ground talent-wise and hate the shit out of each other. It just makes it all so much more fun. Now, when do we kickoff again?

-Last week the Republican Party elected Michael Steele, noted black guy, as their new chairman. Now, on the face of it, it's easy to be cynical about the pick, but I like Michael Steele a lot, despite some philosophical differences, and I like the fact that the party at large is recognizing its need to evolve in order to survive. Steele is a progressive, forward-thinking Republican, the complete antithesis of the Palin wing of the party, and having such a guy in a position of leadership going forward is a good thing, both for the party and its survival, as well as the nation on the whole.

-Kelloggs announced on Thursday that they were dropping Michael Phelps as a celebrity endorser. If I were the head of the Post Cereal company, I'd be placing a call to Phelps' agent on Friday.

-The other day I was talking to a girl I used to date who lives back in Baton Rouge. We hadn't spoken in a while and spent the requisite time early in the conversation making "so what's been going on" small talk, blah blah blah, until we got to the meat of the conversation...our respective romantic lives. I don't remember who asked who first, probably me because I'm always innately curious about the goings-on of the past vaginas in my life, but we eventually got to talking about this and my lady friend was waxing unenthusiastically about the new man in her life. So, cutting right to the chase, I popped the question, and the following dialogue ensued...

Me...Well is he at least good in bed?

She...Well, no, not really. Even that kinda sucks.

Me...Really? Why does it suck.

She...Because he fucks like he's from Louisiana.

Upon hearing this, I laughed, because it was funny, but then it hit me...what the fuck does that mean? After all, I'm from Louisiana! So I delved further...

Me...Wait, what the fuck does that mean?

She...It means he fucks like he's from Louisiana, dammit!

Me...Well, I'm from Louisiana, do I fuck like I'm from Louisiana?

She...No, you don't, which is one of the reasons I liked you.

Me...Well what does "fucks like he's from Louisiana" mean exactly? Please define that for me.

She...Let me put it like this...a guy who fucks like he's from Louisiana would never lick a girl's asshole the first time he sleeps with her, if ever.

And with that, I totally got it. So guys from Louisiana who don't want to be labeled as someone who fucks like they're from Louisiana...don't be afraid to eat some ass, okay?