New book about bat-shit crazy, fake baby birthing church lady Sarah Palin to detail secrets of her bat-shit crazy, fake birthing ways

Happy President's Day everybody! How goes it? Are all of you out there spending the day grilling wieners and watching History Channel documentaries like me? I hope so! Because that's how Abe Lincoln would have wanted it, you know! Anyway, I was planning to spend the day off of the Internet, but then I received a little Sarah Palin "secret pregnancy" nugget in my inbox and thought, "well gee...while it's good to spend President's Day remembering those that have been President of the United States, maybe it's also good to remember those who desperately want to be President of the United States?" To wit, via MSNBC...

A new biography of Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin reveals that her secret pregnancy with son Trig was nearly uncovered when one of her daughters discovered Trig's prenatal ultrasound scan and confronted Palin with the picture.

"Sarah made one slip-up — but [she] dampened suspicion by explaining it away," reports "Trailblazer: An Intimate Biography of Sarah Palin," by PEOPLE Assistant Editor Lorenzo Benet and being published Tuesday by Simon & Schuster's Threshold Editions.

Palin also was aware Trig had been diagnosed with Down syndrome but did not disclose this to her four other children until his Trig's birth last April 18, several weeks after she went public with her pregnancy.

"Not discussing the pregnancy with her daughters, she felt, would shorten the process and spare them from unwanted attention," according to the book, which was not authorized by Palin.

"Trailblazer" also reveals another reason Palin kept the pregnancy quiet. She tells Benet, who interviewed Palin and her family for a 2008 PEOPLE cover story: "Not knowing in my own heart if I was going to be ready to embrace a child with special needs — I couldn't talk about it."

In the course of preparing the book, Benet received the cooperation of Palin's parents, Chuck and Sally Heath; the governor's older sister, Heather Bruce; as well as in-laws, political allies and rivals.

Really? It was a carelessly placed ultrasound image that she quickly dispelled by "explaining it away" that almost tipped off her family to the fact that she was harboring a "secret pregnancy?" Were none of the other typical tip-offs to pregnancy noticeable between conception and the seventh month, you know, like a RATHER PRONOUNCED INCREASE IN THE SIZE OF THE ABDOMINAL REGION, not to mention swelling of the the hands, feet, face, and breasts, maybe a little nausea mixed in here and there perhaps. I don't know, I'm just throwing shit out there.

And hey, remember the time between the Republican convention and the election when all traces of Bristol Palin seemed to have been wiped clean from the face of the earth? Well, guess what? She was serving hoity-toity lattes right there in little ole Anchorage the entire time...

While Bristol was pregnant last year, she was living in Anchorage with her aunt and uncle, Heather and Kurt Bruce, and working at two espresso shops — while also attending West High School. Levi was 40 miles away in Wasilla, but, "there was certainly no ban on them dating," reports Trailblazer. "Levi used to drive to Anchorage to take Bristol out."

Heather Bruce is quoted as saying in the book, "He used to bring her flowers and take her to dinner and a movie. He would come in and say hello, but he says few words. He's a quiet boy."

And oh, this reminds me...has anyone seen any photos of Tripp yet?!?!?!?!? It's been almost two months now! Where the fuck is he? You'd think that, with all the controversy and speculation that surrounded all of the Palin family's recent pregnancies and births, they'd be eager to get some photos of the child out there, WOULDN'T THEY? Not to mention the financial boost that selling the photos to an outfit like People Magazine would provide for the struggling young couple, Bristol and Levi. Other pesky Palin questioners have wondered the same thing.

Soooo...what the fuck gives here?

UPDATE:Seemingly right on cue, Greta Van Susteren traveled up to Alaska for another Palin interview and met the baby!