The "Fairness Doctrine" is probably the stupidest thing in the history of stupid things

I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it.

-Voltaire

Within days, no, check that, within hours of election night last November 4th, I began hearing fears from the far right wing that the new Democratic leadership in Congress and the White House would try to re-institute something called the "Fairness Doctrine." I heard it just about every time I tuned into to Hannity or Limbaugh, and I heard it from my wingnut right-wing friends back home.

"Aw man...they're gonna try to do this Fairness Doctrine thing, aren't they?'

Now, some of you may be wondering...what the fuck is the Fairness Doctrine? In short, the Fairness Doctrine is pretty much the single worst steaming hunk of dung to ever be conceived in Washington, DC, a town with storied history for producing steaming hunks of dung, a mandate that all media be politically balanced, an egregious shitting on the head of American free speech rights cloaked in the euphemism of "fairness," something that, if one didn't know any better, one would swear came out of some sort of totalitarian regime that kept it's ample foot pressed down squarely on the throats of its people, something that was the complete antithesis of what the United States of America has always claimed to be.

What the Fairness Doctrine states basically is this...let's use radio as an example, because that's where most of the controversy springs from...let's say that a radio station in Des Moines, Iowa decides that they're going to carry the Rush Limbaugh show in syndication. Limbaugh's show runs for three hours, Monday through Friday. Under the Fairness Doctrine, that station, or any other station carrying Limbaugh's show, would be then mandated to carry three hours of liberal-slanted programming to balance out its overall political airtime leanings.

Now, to people who think that Rush Limbaugh is a fucking dipshit who is brain-washing millions of feeble-minded Americans into intolerant Nazi zombies on a daily basis, this may sound like a great idea. But just wait until you're driving to Whole Foods one day for free range chicken and you're forced to listen to Ann Coulter braying about how Barack Hussein Obama is going to let faggots invade your home and fist-fuck your children immediately after your done listening to This American Life.

Yeah. Fucking chew on that shit.

The Fairness Doctrine existed, mindblowingly, in the US from 1949 until the late 80s, when it was abolished by Reagan. His actions in doing such are often credited with giving rise to the conservative talk radio movement, thus the occasional grumbling by liberals to have it reinstated. Recently two of the Democratic party's more consistently petulant blowhards, Charles Shumer and Bill Clinton, have hinted that there may be a movement underfoot to bring it back. Each time I hear this sort of talk I think to myself, "surely they can't be serious, can they?" But here's the thing...they are!

Look, if the free markets in individual cities demands programming filled with Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Mark Levin, G. Gordon Liddy, for fuck's sake let them have have it. Let the markets dictate it. If people didn't want it there, they wouldn't listen and there'd be no advertising dollars to support it. Blah blah blah. What fucking country are we living in again?

And where exactly would this thing stop? Who draws the lines? Who polices it? What the fuck would they try to do to the internet? Would I be forced to write a post condemning Hillary each time I point out how much of a Titanic retard Sarah Palin is, lest someone comes and shuts my blog down?

This is America, isn't it? Where we're free to speak our minds about our leaders and we let free markets decide what'll be offered up for our consumption, REMEMBER?!?!

The one thing that I've maintained from the get-go each time a terrified right-winger friend has brought up the Fairness Doctrine is this...there's no fucking way Obama would sign such garbage even if it passed through both houses of Congress. The inevitable rebuttal to that has always been..."but he hasn't ever stated that on the record." That was true, until earlier in the week, when it was unambiguously stated that the Obama White House does not support this horseshit.

As a friend of mine noted earlier in the week, this is why it's nice to have a constitutional law scholar in the White House. And this sort of thing is exactly why I've been so passionate in my support for the guy.