Dear ABC/Disney...Enough with the Goddamn Jonas Brothers already! No, seriously.

Earlier today, while waiting for a technician to FIX MY PUNCH AN OLD LADY IN THE FACE ANNOYINGLY SLOW INTERNET, I found myself watching The View. Going on were the usual things that take place on The View...Whoopi ranting about Bill O'Reilly, Sherri babbling about her kid and God and her wig collection, Babs and the other one being old and Jew-y, though I will say that cunty simpleton Elisabeth Hasselbeck was decidedly less cunty than the last time I checked in on the show, so perhaps she's making an effort or something. Anyway, The View was The View and my internet was allegedly being fixed (It was not!!!) and all seemed right with the world. And then, at the end of the first segment, or maybe it was the second, whatever, it doesn't matter, Barbara got in a plug for her annual Oscars special, where she usually profiles a few of the people nominated for, you know, fucking Oscars. So Babs launches into her plug and she begins to reel off the names of the people to be featured on her upcoming show.

Mickey Rourke, the consensus favorite to win in the Best Actor category who tragically lost his beloved dog Loki just days before the ceremony...check.

Anne Hathaway, my upset pick for Best Actress...check.

Hugh Jackman, host of the show, big star worldwide....check.

The Jonas Brothers...WTF? Did they write the score to The Reader and I just don't know about it or something?



Seriously, enough with the Jonas Brothers, okay? ENOUGH! They're far exceeded the pop culture saturation point. They're fucking everywhere! I defy anyone to name a major television event in the last six months that these three little twats weren't a part of. And, even worse, they SUCK! Assholes. Dirty, shitty, rotting, stinky assholes. The Jonas Brothers suck them. Dry. They're horrible. And I think that they even know it. They're aware of the fact that they're talentless hacks who were plucked from obscurity by a global entertainment conglomerate to bray shitty songs for the for the idiotic masses because they're mildly cute, ethnically ambiguous, and non-threatening to every possible ratings demographic in every possible way. You can even see it in their faces that they know that they're a bad joke when they go out to perform, which is always that same "we're not gonna work this out tonight" song, the one that they perform with the same authenticity and enthusiasm as a department store Santa trudging to work on Christmas Eve. Just like those Santas, they're frauds just going through the motions to collect a paycheck, and I'm pretty sure that they know it and they secretly hate themselves for it and probably just want to die, as well they should.

Speaking of Oscars, my friends Will and Mike had a pretty spirited online debate regarding who should win what. You should go read it if you're into that sort of thing.

But fuck those Goddamn Jonas Brothers. Seriously.