Scattered thoughts 1/9/09

-First off, let me just say that as I write this, Oprah is on her show holding a huge fucking vibrator in her hands and discussing "seismic orgasms" with a panel of "sexperts." I'm utterly horrified that my mother and grandmothers are probably watching this same episode.

In other news, don't even ask why I'm watching Oprah. Just don't fucking ask.

-Memo to the World: From here on out, any time I reference my love of Ethiopian food, feel free to save the "I didn't know they had food" jokes. It's not funny.

-About Sarah Palin...a friend asked me last night, "why do you still care about her?" The truth is, I really don't now that she's been sent back to Alaska and isn't a threat to be running the country any longer, but she just won't go away quietly into the night, she keeps interjecting herself into the national conversation, thus she crosses my radar, so I can't not write about her sorry ass. I really wish she'd go the fuck away and never come back, but she's just...I think she just fucking loves the attention. She's like the brat at school that your mother tells you just ignore but then gets all up in your face and shit, I mean, how can you ignore that person? I mean, you have to hit them back.

-After their pathetic 1-6 showing in the college bowl games, isn't it about time we all collectively demote the Big Ten to "mid-major" conference status. Maybe we can promote the Mountain West into their spot. What a fucking joke. And thanks a fucking lot Steve Spurrier for handing them their one victory in the bowl season.

-Major snow storm expected in NYC this weekend, which means I'll be hunkered down with Netflix and NFL football playoffs all weekend, and I have absolutely no problem with that at all. I'm having trouble deciding who to pull for in the playoffs now. I guess the most logical choice is the Panthers since they are quarterbacked by fellow Cajun Jake Delhomme, a guy I used to be softball teammates with in the mid-90s when we were both in college, and is frankly one of the nicest guys I've ever met, but he's ripped the heart out of the Saints so many times that I'm starting not to like him anymore. The Chargers are a good underdog pick I guess. This is my big dilemma for the weekend.

-I'm still kinda taken aback by the resemblance between Ann Coulter's ridiculously long face and a squash.

-In lieu of the fact that he’s shipping valuables all over the globe as “gifts” and still gets to enjoy the comforts of home under an utterly preposterous “house arrest,” I sure that somebody in law enforcement/the judicial system has considered the fact that Bernie Madoff may be planning to commit suicide prior to being incarcerated for good, right?

-The Saints and LSU are revamping their defensive coaching staffs for next season. Halle-fucking-lujah!

-This morning when the news broke about the "Cajun squirrel" chips, I received at least 30 emails about it. I'm so flattered that I was the first person so many people thought of upon hearing about this. I think. And I'm serious about them sending me some. I'm sure that some PR person for WALKERS CAJUN SQUIRREL CRISPS will get a hit from my blog in their Google alerts, so I'll be expecting an email from them asking for my address any day now. I'll be waiting. This is why I love the Internet.

-I feel really sorry for Roland Burris, the elderly black man appointed by that dastardly Blago fellow in Illinois to fill Barack Obama's Senate seat. Just get it over with and seat the guy for fuck's sake. Call for a special election at a later date to make him win the seat by popular vote, but just end the circus already.

-I got an email the other day saying that nominations for the 2009 Bloggies are open until Jan. 12th. I suppose that I'm supposed to ask people to go to the website and nominate me for something, but I don't feel like I really fit into any specific category. Unfortunately, "Most Multiple Personality-ed Blog" isn't one of the categories. These things are rigged anyway.

Y'all have a good weekend!