Regarding the "at least he kept us safe" President

I feel compelled to expound a bit on my friend Peter Feld’s hilariously spot-on metaphorical skewering of the “at least he kept us safe” spin popular amongst defenders of the Bush Presidency that he posted to his Tumblr on Sunday, because there’s just something so fundamentally flawed with this argument, and I’m endlessly baffled that a) they have the audacity to even make it in the first place, and b) that they’re often allowed to peddle it around unchallenged, because its “logic” is just so empirically fucked.

On August 6, 2001, only a few months into his first term, President Bush was vacationing at his fabled ranch in Crawford, Texas. It was there that he received a report compiled by our nation’s intelligence services titled, “Bin Laden Determined to Strike in U.S.” What did the “at least he kept us safe” President do upon receiving this report? Did he rush back to Washington to huddle up with this nation’s best intelligence and defense minds to confront the problem head-on? Of course he didn’t! He vacationed for the rest of the month at that stupid fucking “Look ma I’m a cowboy” ranch of his. And golly gee whiz what do you know?! On September 11th, 2001, barely a month after the report was released, well, we all know what happened there…only the deadliest attack on U.S. civilians IN THE HISTORY OF THE COUNTRY! And let’s not also forget that still to this day, that crafty Bin Laden guy, the one who orchestrated that first seemingly meaningless little attack, is still running around, probably planning even more attacks against Americans.

But oh yeah, of course, I’m forgetting that there were no attacks on U.S. soil after 9/11. Silly fucking me, I tell you. You know, this reasoning seems sort of akin to that of a woman suffering from battered spouse syndrome who goes before the family court judge and states, “well, yes, once a month my husband gets really drunk and forcibly sodomizes me with a Louisville Slugger…but the rest of the time he’s sweeter than apple pie on the 4th of July!”

Please. The Presidency of George W. Bush in its totality is a massive sack of rotting assholes. Accept it. Get over it. Move on. Again, though I’m perpetually trying to wipe its memory from my tortured mind, I actually voted for the dipshit, so technically I’m part of the problem. But, as the old cliche goes, you just can’t defend the indefensible.

Besides, the Black Guy is now here to save us all from ourselves, so just pass me another beer and shut the fuck up.