McCain declares himself winner of debate that he won't attend because he has to figure shit out to save us from ourselves & heal blind babies and all

DOH!


(Thanks for the tip Bekka)

The ad above ran on the Wall Street Journal's website...today!!! I think that Alex Blagg of Best Week Ever put it best...

You may not have known this, but the injuries John McCain sustained in ‘Nam while being Tortured For America left him with a curious side-effect: the ability to jump back and forth in time, like a much older version of that guy from Quantum Leap. That’s really the only way I can explain his campaign paying to run ads declaring victory in a debate that hasn’t even occurred yet. In fact, it wasn’t clear until only a few minutes ago whether or not there would even BE a debate tonight, but apparently John McCain has seen the future and is here to tell us that there will be, and that he wins it. Actually, the only reason he suspended his campaign earlier this week is because he’d already been to the future, realized he would win the debate, and thus felt like the only way he could give Obama a sporting chance would be to try to change fate and cancel the debate altogether. He’s such a maverick. A time-traveling maverick. One thing, though - while you’re gandering into the future in your time-traveling Straight-Talk-Express Delorean, Mr. McCain, would you might giving us a head’s up on whether or not the entire global economy crumbles on itself and soon renders the whole planet into a scorched, post-apocalyptic wasteland where humanity has broken into primitive tribes of street warriors killing each other for the last drops of oil that can be sucked out of the Earth? We’d like to know.

Maybe McCain's been gazing into his magical snow globe crystal ball thingie?


(via Matt at twoeightnine.com)

Well, I guess this means that the old man plans to show up at the debate tonight. If that's the case, why don't we all break out a bottle of our favorite alcoholic beverages and play the John McCain Presidential Debate drinking game? It's so simple! Here's how we play...just take a hearty swig of booze each time McCain says "my friends," "Vietnam," "tax cuts," or "pork barrel." We'll all be SOOO wasted, which will serve to help us forget all about the comparisons of our once great country to the fall of ancient Rome.

Fuck it...I'm cracking open a bottle of Maker's Mark RIGHT NOW!