"Excellent, could you come in for a quick 20 minute interview tomorrow?"

One day last week, an acquaintance emailed to alert me to that fact that a mutual friend of ours who works at Gawker Media had placed an ad on Craigslist looking for interns, interns whose sole job requirement would be to watch television looking for newsworthy clips. Said friend nudged me to reply to the ad. And of course, rarely able to resist the impulse to mess with someone, especially a friend, via Craigslist, I did. This is the email I sent. His response to it is quoted in the subject line above.

HI! OMG! So, I saw your ad on the Craigslist and I just like, OMG, squirted (I'm a TOTAL squirter!) You have no idea how perfect this is for me!!! I LOVE tv. My favorite shows are Tyler Perry's House of Pain and The Charlie Rose Show. What can I say, I'm eclectic! HEHEHEHEHEHE! But no seriously, I would love the gig but I do have one legitimate concern...

Will there be someone for me to blow?

You see, If I'm going to be an intern somewhere, well, I want the full intern experience. And part of that full intern experience is getting down on my precious little knees to slobber daily over my supervisor's meat-sword.

Why would that be of concern to me here? Well, you stated in the ad that it's an internship at Gawker Media and, as I understand it, Gawker Media is staffed entirely by gay boys (Not that there's anything wrong with that...I make out with girls all the time, so I'm bi :)). In fact, when I think of the offices of Gawker Media, I think of buff dudes with fake tans rolling around on roller skates under a disco balled loft office space, like a scene from Xanadu, Liza Minelli and Lance Bass screensavers on every desktop, bathroom stalls stocked with EZ Glide, feather boa Fridays, and refrigerators stocked with oodles of Yoplait Fruit on the Bottom yogurt.

Not really condusive to a comely, young, HOT, intern looking to achieve lifelong carpet-burn scars on her knees, don't you think?

So my question is this...Is the person who would be supervising me a morally bankrupt straight man? Is his level of ethical repugnance at least at the same level of Bill Clinton, Gary Condit, and Woody Allen?

If the answer is yes, when do I start?

Emily Gessen