an open letter to anna friel

dear anna,

this morning i woke up, wiped the drool from my face, artfully rolled out of bed without waking up what's her name and then walked over to the bathroom gingerly, wincing each time i put too much weight on the corn protruding from the side of my big toe. as i stood there at the can i found myself overcome by the tell-tale sign that holiday party season is in full swing; a ringing head and a burning sensation in my cock as i peed. it then occurred to me that i had a dream about you last night.

for the record this isn't the first time. you haunting my dreams is actually becoming a frightfully regular occurrence around these parts. i think that this was the third dream i've had about you in the last month or so, usually coming the night after i watch you in pushing daisies. they're never pornographic in any way, though i must admit that i often find it necessary to keep a box of kleenex next to the keyboard whenever i view pictures of you online, which i often find myself doing, usually late at night, in the dark, alone, with the shades drawn, the room only lit by the illumination of the keyboard.

but that's neither her nor there. or something.

no, my dreams involving you are always overflowing with sweetness and tenderness. like the one that i had last night, a dream in which i found myself cooking for you an entire meal of food. this wasn't any ordinary meal mind you, the main course was lobster, which was of course chosen from the finest sea for your consumption. i recall that there was also a potato of the baked variety. i even presented to you a dish containing a stick of butter for you to place butter on your potato if you so desired.

i also baked you a pie.

which gets me to the interpretation part of this particular dream. in the aforementioned show that you're on, you work in a pie shop and are smitten with the proprietor of said pie shop, ned, or "the pie maker" as he is often referred to my the omniscient narrator of the show. with that said, i have often fancied pretty girls who also possess the ability to bake me pies. now here i was, in this dream, turning the tables and baking YOU a pie! perhaps i was trying to show you that i was a better man than that massive bag of douche ned?!?!

now, i'm no expert at dream interpretation, well actually, i'm no expert at anything really, i just know a little about a lot of things, but to me that there dream indicates that some pretty twisted shit is going on inside of my head.

how do we resolve this and where do you come in? fuck if i know. perhaps there's some sort of make a wish foundation like organization out there for pathetic guys with blogs who have dreams about pretty girls on tv? maybe they can make my dream of baking a pie for you come true?

c'mon anna, be a sport and answer the call that is soon to come from the make a wish foundation like organization for pathetic guys with blogs who have dreams about pretty girls on tv that i will be establishing in the next 24 to 48 hours. let me bake you a pie. that's all i want. i don't wanna have sex with you, i swear. i realize that you've got a FUCKING FIANCE in real life and that me trying to have sex with you under the guise of baking you a pie would totally not be cool with him, who shall be referred to from here on in all future conversations as "he that we do not speak of."

so whatya say anna? let the cajun boy bake you a pie. my blueberry pie will make you giggle like a school girl, but my apple pie that will make you moist.




BREAKING: all of major league baseball is on steroids!!!

as i write this i am listening to the press conference of the presentation of the mitchell report, an investigation by former senate majority leader george mitchell into steroid use by major league basball players. and yeah, from the sound of it, pretty much all of them are on the juice.


still dying to see this movie

diablo cody's juno was reviewed in the new yorker...

new yorker review of juno

in other diablo cody/juno news, the nominees for the golden globes were announced today and stripper turned blogger turned screenwriter received a nod for best original screenplay.

complete list of golden globe nominees



i think i kinda have a crush on diablo cody. anna, you'd better hurry up and come eat your pie!


the funeral by band of horses

i know, i know, this band and this song have kinda jumped the shark. but i really don't give a fuck. love this shit...




the harlem shakes at the bowery ballroom tonight!

my buddy kendrick's band the harlem shakes is playing a show at bowery ballroom tonight. if you're in the city check them out, they're swell!

check out their tunes on their myspace page...

http://www.myspace.com/harlemshakes

and here's a clip of a live performance of their's at the 40 watt in athens, ga.



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