it takes a big man to cry. it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

"It takes a big man to cry. It takes a bigger man to laugh at that man."-Jack Handey

i laughed openly at a crying man this morning. sure, i'm ashamed to admit it, but i did. it wasn't just a snicker laugh either. it was a loud, rambunctious, guttural laugh. ask anyone who knows me personally and they'll tell you that my laugh is naturally loud and rambunctious. very distinctive. it was even more so on this occasion.

i am such a dick.

the circumstances of this event were as follows: i was in a supermarket or sorts, a supermarket/bodega hybrid really. the place was not quite big enough to qualify as a supermarket but definitely bigger than a bodega. anyway, i was in a store. in my hand was a basket. in the basket was a tube of triple antibiotic ointment, a precooked lemon-pepper chicken breast and a "naked" juice smoothie. earbuds were in my ear as my ipod was playing.

at this point i had one last item to obtain that i had originally set out for, a tablet or notebook to carry in my messenger bag. as i rounded a corner in search of this tablet or notebook, i came across the section of the store reserved for condoms, lubes, pregnancy tests, etc.

genitalia paraphernalia.

it was at this point that i came across the crying man. he was a man of about 40 years of age, average height, slightly tubby. in his hand he was holding a box of trojan magnum XL condoms. he was wearing plaid pants and a red sweatshirt with an emblem emblazoned on the front that was the face of the elmo character from sesame street. his head was adorned with a propeller beanie, much like this one...



if all of this weren't enough to create a hilarious picture, the man was slouched over slightly, bawling hysterically. his cry, though actual tears were visible as they trailed down the sides of his face, seemed inauthentic, like a cry similar to that of a child who is desperate for attention. in a moment he turned towards me and in doing so granted me a full, unobstructed view of the hideous spectacle that he was, and i just busted out laughing right in his face, which only prompted him to turn away from me while increasing the intensity of his bawling. i wish that i could have stopped it from happening, but i was helpless. it was purely spontaneous.

i felt like such an ass. i approached him...

"are you ok? i'm so sorry, i wasn't laughing at you, i was laughing at something playing in my ipod."

he wasn't buying it. he muttered something indecipherable under his breath and shrugged me away as he continued his tormented yet distinctly unauthentic crying.

i thought for sure that i was about to fall victim to a punk'd-esque prank. i actually scanned the area for hidden cameras. other than the store security cameras fastened to the ceiling, there were none.

and now i can't get the guy out of my head. what if something really bad had happened to him? what if someone he loves just died? what if he just found out that he has cancer? maybe he's only sad that his cock isn't big enough to fill a trojan magnum XL condom? does that not still make it not ok for laughing in his face?

what if shortly after our encounter the man ran out and threw himself in front of a bus?

i am such a dick.


thievery of a family jewel

my buddy jj, who some of you may remember as the guy who played a hilariously sick game of fuck-around via IM with a nigerian scam artist in a post tiled "the love song of johnny von prong, is in the news. jj's father barry founded creem, the legendery music magazine that launched the careers of people such as cameron crowe and lester bangs and was featured prominently in the movie almost famous. jj is locked in a legal battle for ownership of the magazine with robert matheu, a former freelance photographer at the publication. the new york observer has a big piece on the whole saga in its current issue....

When Barry Kramer died, his wife Connie tried to keep Creem going for several years—a tall order, since it was already a quarter million dollars in debt and Ms. Kramer didn’t have much experience running a business. Still, she did her best, hoping to keep the thing alive until J.J.—who was six at the time of his father’s death—was old enough to take over.

Eventually it became untenable, and in 1985 Ms. Kramer sold all the intellectual property rights to a businessman named Arnold Levitt. The magazine ceased publication a few years later, and Mr. Levitt presided over several unsuccessful attempts to revive it.

In 2001, after the success of Almost Famous, Mr. Matheu approached Mr. Levitt and told him he wanted to start the magazine up again. The two of them worked out a licensing deal by which Mr. Levitt would hand over all the trademarks and intellectual property rights associated with Creem to Mr. Matheu for a period of five years, during which Mr. Matheu could create a Creem Web site, sell Creem merchandise and possibly work toward a proper relaunch. According to the agreement, Mr. Matheu would have the option of buying Creem from Mr. Levitt outright for $100,000 at the end of the five years.

the piece then goes on to describe the legal ranglings that subsequently took place after jj reached a partnership agreement with matheu that eventually fell apart and has now culminated in a creem retrospective book that matheu pieced together and was recently published by harper collins.

Fast-forward to October 2007, when Mr. Kramer came across an advertisement on Amazon.com for a Creem book co-written by Mr. Matheu to be published by HarperCollins that month.

Mr. Kramer called his lawyer and successfully filed for an injunction to stop the book from going to press. When that happened, Mr. Kramer said, he was invited to the HarperCollins offices by an editor there to take a look at the book, in case he liked it enough to allow it to go forward.

That was wishful thinking: Mr. Kramer saw the book as a deceptive revision of the magazine’s history that not only overstated Mr. Matheu’s involvement but marginalized some of the people who had made it what it was.

At that point, HarperCollins came forward and told the court that they had already printed thousands of copies of the book and stood to lose a significant sum of money if it was pulled. As a result, the injunction was lifted, and the book came out as planned.

But for Mr. Kramer, there was always something else at stake. “This whole endeavor for me from the get-go was sort of a bridge to reconnect with my father, who I didn’t really get to know,” he told The Observer. “To have somebody try to take that from me and in the manner in which he’s attempting to do—that is absolutely maddening.”

read the whole piece here...

ny observer piece on the fight for creem magazine

the observer followed up that piece with an article airing the concerns of former creem staffers...

"I think I'm mentioned in passing. Their entire description of what happened at the magazine is cockeyed," said the rock critic Dave Marsh last week.

Mr. Marsh—who started working at Creem in 1969, the year it was founded, and later served as its editor—said Mr. Matheu's book misrepresents the Creem legacy, presenting Mr. Matheu himself as more of a player than he was while all but ignoring many of the people who in fact were most central to the story of the magazine.

"It sounds like my involvement in the magazine was a drive-by, and this guy Matheu who was a freelance photographer, who was never on staff, he's all of a sudden one of the important photographers," Mr. Marsh continued. "I feel like Trotsky being rubbed out of the photograph."

"It's not Creem as it really was," Susan Whitall, a writer at the Detroit News who edited the magazine from 1977 until 1983, told The Observer. "I look at it and it's like looking in a funhouse mirror, because I'm looking at something I was involved in, but it's not quite right, it's not quite in focus."

"John Mellencamp?" she said with incredulity. "He's in there. Come on! He's so un- Creem. Also, Duran Duran? I mean, what?"

Jaan Uhelszki, who started at Creem in 1970 as a "subscription kid" and left in 1976 as a senior editor, said the book's focus on the later years doesn't capture the true Creem spirit.

"Creem was a cultural force," she said. "We were so part of the fabric of that early 70s scene—we didn't suffer fools gladly, we were harsh, we were funny, and we were crazy. And there were no holds barred. That sense of abandonment isn't there in the selection….I just don’t think the later Creem had that genius, that spark, that ire, that the first Creem had."

read the followup piece in its entirety here...

new creem retrospective outrages creem alums


the 2girls1cups.com scoop

many of you, like me, watched a certain video in horror recently. i'm sure that many of you, like me, wondered to yourself upon viewing this horror play out, "who the fuck made the video?!"

well, the smoking gun gets to the bottom of the story, no pun intended...

Been wondering about the identity of the auteur behind the "2 Girls, 1 Cup" video that has been making millions of Internet users gag? Well, the repulsive video--which has become such an online sensation that it has been knocked off by John Mayer, Perez Hilton, and has launched tons of hilarious "reaction" videos--can be blamed on Marco Fiorito, a Brazilian man who describes himself as a "compulsive fetishist" and "an artist in the art of movie making."

the story goes on describe fiorito's evolution from a simple foot fetishist to vomit fetishist to, well, you know.

read the full piece here...

smoking gun story on the producer of 2girls1cup.com


the top 50 college athletic programs in america

stack.com has released its rankings of the country's leading college sports programs based on academics, athletic opportunity and overall performance. topping the list was the university of north carolina. LSU was ranked 16th.

the stack elite 50


LSU vs. tennessee in the SEC championship game

so tomorrow LSU travels to atlanta to play tennessee in the SEC chamionship game.

meh.

i'm still in mourning over the arkansas loss. i've got a serious fan disappointment hangover going on over here.

nevertheless, i fully expect my tigers to dismantle tennessee's farce of a football team. i'm so confident in fact, that i'm wagering a bottle of jack daniels against my tennessee buddies, dave and thomas, who i'm sure will be spooning on the couch together watching the game somewhere in the wilds of rural tennessee. in the meantime, they have laid the gauntlet down here...

UT bols vs. LSU tigers and a bottle of jack

geaux tigers! eat a dick tennessee!


gawker editors choire sicha and emily gould quit abrubtly

not sure what provoked this as it's still developing, but gould announced the resignation of herself and sicha this afternoon in a post titled, a long dark evening of the soul with keith gossen. they will be missed.


"in the clouds" by under the influence of giants

this song just rocks by any standards. i saw these guys live at northsix in brooklyn a few months back and they were no less rocking. a great friday song. enjoy!