fun with craigslist "missed connections"
it's shitteous outside which has me cranky and feeling mischievous this morning. when i feel mischievous one of my favorite things to do is to fuck with some hipsters and if you ever wanna have some fun fucking with hipsters, post an L train "missed connection" on craigslist. from there you just sit back and wait for your inbox to flood with replies.
here is my original posting...
skinny boy on the L train to manhattan this morning - w4m - 24
Reply to: pers-310575085@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-04-12, 12:12PM EDT
every other guy on the L was checking me out this morning, probably because i was so cold and wet that my nipples could have sliced through glass, except the one that i wanted to be checking me out...YOU! you were so adorable. your jeans were tight but sagged just enough to expose the waistband of your knickers. your t-shirt under your jacket was even tighter. your hair was perfectly disheveled. slightly androgynous, you looked upset about something, often staring off into nothingness, perhaps contemplating infinity, kafka, or both.
i wanted to...well...i wanted to hold you actually. and kiss your face softly.
it's so rare that i desire someone. it's even rarer when someone doesn't notice me. maybe that's why i can't get you out of my head.
come to me. if you even noticed me, i was the cute girl, headlights blazing, pretending to be reading but mostly looking at you.
find me...
within minutes shortly after i posted it, the replies began rolling in. now granted, if i really wanted to be a dick i could have replied back to some of these and led these guys on, but i didn't. all email addresses have been redacted. here are the first few that i received...
Date: Thu, 12 Apr 2007 16:26:24 +0000 (GMT)
From: [redacted]@optonline.net
Subject: I'm sorry, I'm not that guy
To: pers-310575085@craigslist.org
But your words really moved me, shook me to the core
I can't even remember the last time a woman desired me
that badly... I miss that terribly.
I hope the two of you somehow find each other.
From: [redacted]@aol.com
Date: Thu, 12 Apr 2007 12:32:31 EDT
Subject: skinny boy on the L train to manhattan this morning - w4m - 24
To: pers-310575085@craigslist.org
it's even rarer when someone doesn't notice me.
lololol do u hear how that shit sounds?
Date: Thu, 12 Apr 2007 12:47:06 -0400
From: [redacted]@nyu.edu>
To: pers-310575085@craigslist.org
Subject: Could it be?
I did see you! You were reading Sedaris, no? Tall brunette,
model-looking, black fingernails, pink Chuck Taylors? I saw you! This has to be me you're talking about, it just has to. Your description is fitting.
I was pissed becuase my roommates cow gfriend drank all of my
Edensoy! Is this happening? I didn't think that these things worked?
Could this be?
Todd
Date: Thu, 12 Apr 2007 10:05:10 -0700 (PDT)
From: [redacted]@condenast.com>
Subject: skinny boy on the L train to manhattan this morning - w4m - 24 (L train bedford to union square)
To: pers-310575085@craigslist.org
Shall we meet for drinks to discus this?
Date: Thu, 12 Apr 2007 13:23:44 -0400
From: [redacted]@gmail.com>
To: pers-310575085@craigslist.org
Subject: So beautiful
I thought for a moment that this might be fake because the hipster
stereotypes but then I realized that it couldn't be fake because
your writing is so beautiful and heartfelt, there's no way anyone
can fake these words.
I'm not that guy from the train but damn I wish that I was!
Date: Thu, 12 Apr 2007 14:02:45 -0400
From: [redacted]@gmail.com>
To: pers-310575085@craigslist.org
Subject: L train
First, I must say, I am not the guy you are looking for, nor was I even on the L train this AM BUT I am often on that line contemplating infinity and kafka. so there you go.
Date: Thu, 12 Apr 2007 11:05:52 -0700 (PDT)
From: [redacted]@yahoo.com
Subject: craigs list
To: pers-310575085@craigslist.org
The skinny boy will never reply. Doesnt seem the type. Tell me more about your nipples, I am intrigued.
The best,
M
Date: Thu, 12 Apr 2007 14:54:04 -0400
From: [redacted]@gmail.com
To: pers-310575085@craigslist.org
Subject: RE: skinny boy on the L train to manhattan this morning
Yeah, it was the infinities that distracted me. Normally I'm not so androgynous that I'd ignore a cute girl with blazing headlights...but I've almost got this Universe Conundrum sussed. As emo as it ain't to care about the math, I've got multiple infinities in the numerator and denominator, and as soon as I can find a way to justify cancelling all but one of them, I'll have a cure for unrequited love. Or at least for the mathematical aspects of it.
Is it really so rare that you desire someone? That, miss, sounds awful.
and then my self-imposed blog-post deadline arrived. if any others of note come through over the course of the day, i'll post them in the comments or something.
to read more of the like, follow the links below...
more fun with craigslist missed connections
even MORE fun with craigslist missed connections
extreme craigslist missed connections, guido edition
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42 comments:
This is fucking fantastic.
-Jew
After that... If I was made to read one blog and one blog only for the rest of my life... This would be it!!
Ahh Jew and I love nothing more then hipster playtime fun... in fact 50% of the reason she got me to peace out on Astoria and move to the dreaded BK was the promised hipster watching we could do together.
I'm jealous I didn't think of this first.
~Irish
CB,
Sweet! I love it! Please let us know what other responses you get.
your writing is so beautiful and heartfelt
Must....avoid...making...another....Zach.....Braff....joke
cant...stop.... myself...
@jew...i know.
@irish...WOW! i feel so...so...moist after that compliment. dang baby! thanks!
@brie...i will post them for sure.
@midwesterner...you're like the crack addict that can't keep himself from hitting the pipe. stop hating on my boy zach!!!
"your words really moved me, shook me to the core."
Priceless.
That's amazing man. By the way, I'm taking you up on that offer if the axe comes down on Friday Night Lights.
That's genius. You are quite the trickster Cajun!
they're still coming in...here are a couple of the more interesting ones...
Date: Thu, 12 Apr 2007 18:45:17 -0400
From:[redacted]@gmail.com>
To:pers-310575085@craigslist.org
Subject: skinny boy on train this morning
** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html
Ok, I was on the L this morning, lol but most likely I am not the
person you are talking about, lol, however there is that .1%
chance....so attached is my picture...I don't remember starring at any
women this morning, and I think I would know notice if there were
nipples out there ready to cut through glass, lol
Im not that cute, so im almost positive it wasnt me, oh well.
peace
Kyle
Date: Thu, 12 Apr 2007 22:20:20 -0400
From: [redacted]@gmail.com>
To: pers-310575085@craigslist.org
Subject: skinny boy on the L train to manhattan this morning - w4m - 24
** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html
he didn't notice you because he's a gay, or a-sexual, hipster without anything of interest or passion in him. which makes your interest in him a total, complete abortion of your heart.
ha ha ha.
I love reading these things. people are so pathetic.
what's more alarming is the number of "lol"'s with which these guys responded.
Did you receive lots of pics of guys' torsos with a tribal tattoo?
you can't be left alone with a computer anymore on rainy days...
This is why CraigsList is so much fun. Better yet: Spicy Personals. I once wrote a blog commenting on a male that was looking for another male that would like his "hoo dilly."
I've done shows where we've sat at intermission reading spicy personals and laughing our asses off!!!
Ahhh...good times. :)
You must do this on a weekly basis. I can't believe that one got all pissy about his Edensoy. Walking cliches.
How about that Kyle guy's picture. Remotely attractive or not?
I'm still laughing about this...
and they keep coming...this one is from the same dude who sent one yesterday that ended with the "people are so pathetic" line. apparently, he felt bad about saying that.
From:[redacted]@gmail.com
To: pers-310575085@craigslist.org
Subject: Re: skinny boy on the L train to manhattan this morning - w4m - 24
** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html
Sorry. totally uncalled for. I woke up this morning like, why did I do that? good luck.
@dmbmeg...i did get a torso pic! no tribal tattoos though.
@quin...true.
@andrea...there's a goldmine out there on CL.
@sally tomato...i might just do that. post ads in different parts of the country and see what comes up.
there's one on cl now, for a roommate... the guy is looking for someone to walk around in her underwear a few times a month..no sex...just vs poses. she gets the apartment for $100. *he refused my bodyshots for some reason* anyway, he keeps talking about discretion, and that he's in a place of importance in his company, blah blah blah... then he posts his photo. it reminded me of the old snl skit with the guy who is giving secret information, sitting in the dark, and then lights up a cigarette.
it did make me laugh.
Wow, executed one day, Gawk'd the next. Nice job, Caj!
After this got gawkered i read it again. It's better the second time around :) I absolutely love that guy who woke up feeling bad about calling you pathetic, the irony just made my head explode.
-Jew
After this got gawkered i read it again. It's better the second time around
Ditto
I swear someone out there will do a blog just doing this every day, and I swear I would read it every day.
"i wanted to...well...i wanted to hold you actually. and kiss your face softly."
That ball is going, going, gone! Hilarious.
and the hits just keep on coming...
From: [redacted]@aol.com
Date: Thu, 12 Apr 2007 22:47:04 EDT
Subject: hey
To:pers-310575085@craigslist.org
** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html
do u ever play with your nipples ?
The one that starts out "Yeah, it was the infinities that distracted me."... I really think I know this guy. Ew, man.
and coming...this one included a cute little hipster boy pic...god i wanna post it so bad!
Date: Fri, 13 Apr 2007 02:17:35
From: [redacted]@gmail.com>
To: pers-310575085@craigslist.org
Subject: skinny boy on the L train to manhattan this morning
** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html
he was probably lost in thought about how much effort he put into
looking like he didn't at all.
you said nipples.
p
Rarely do I comment on blogs just to say "that's brilliant," without contributing any other new ideas, but in this case I will because you clearly have all the good ideas.
That's brilliant.
I don't want this to ever end!
~Irish
@jew...corn is also better the second time around. at least i've been told.
@midwesterner...ditto!
@old hickory...i was proud of that line.
@champarticles...yeah, ew.
@audrey...TY!
@irish...i'm telling you, you, me and jew should run off to utah and start and "irish, jew and cajun" blog and chronicle our polygamist shenanigans! we can post on the salt lake CL for some great material.
I like the guy from condenast you simply asks you out for a drink.
priceless.
Jew and I don't share men. At least I don't think we have?!
However for a quality blog I'd consider. But can Mormons provide the same comic relief as Hipsters?!
Why yes, I bet they can.
~Irish
and coming...
From: [redacted@hotmail.com]
To: pers-310575085@craigslist.org
Subject: skinny boy. . .
Date: Fri, 13 Apr 2007 21:00:15 +0000
** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html
Hmm.
This could of been me; well, I think it could of been many people...
Do you have a better description of your fellow.
g'day to you.
- Alan
@z. madison...i know right! typical conde naster! i laughed my ass off at that response perhaps more than any of the others.
I love this.
this may be the best one yet...
Date:Fri, 13 Apr 2007 18:41:20
From: [redacted]@gmail.com
To: pers-310575085@craigslist.org
Subject: skinny boy on the L train to manhattan this morning - w4m - 24
** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html
Your prose style is amazing. Also, "headlights blazing" has never before been better rendered.
xo,
Zachary
Poor Kyle!!
Someone's confidence needs a big scoop of lovin'. Please be gentle.
cb, you do not go to slc.... those polygs are inbred, you have to be a king family member.
you go south, my dear, south...to the land of colorado city.. the land of the prairie home companions, warren jeffs and his lot. big love pimps them in the show...
in nyc, on a saturday, you go to central park or a museum or a number of places for fun. we went to costco and counted polygs.
Ha ha. If you post in Sacramento, I bet you get some freaky swinger types.
True story: when I first moved up here, I went to a bar with some friends. I still was finding my way around town and didn't know the good from the bad spots. Well, at the bar I noticed a guy checking me out and smiling. I didn't think much of it until I noticed his wife doing the same thing...
...seriously. Try out the CL in Sac one time for amusement. I bet the freaks here are just as funny!!!
cajun boy, i think we are soulmates. how can such humor and sarcasm come from a southern gentleman such as yourself?
@marie...i would give kyle a hug if i could.
@quin...costco is a fun outing. good times.
@andrea...sac town is always good for a laugh. i will keep it in mind should i post other cities for future editions.
@elsie...i have been waiting for you. run to me!
this is my favorite post ever! have you been nominated for an award yet?!?!
this reminds me of stuff my friends and i would have done in college if we knew of craigs list 9+ years ago! the adult version of prank calling.
@molly...no. nominate me for "bloggy" or something.
i was actually half way joking. i forgot about those "bloggys". but i guess someone (or I) should.
Hahahaha!
This is simply great! I cannot help but reminisce of one experience I had with NYC's CraigsList.
Many years ago, I needed $ immediately because there was a party that I was invited and I was low on cash. I posted on NYC's CL saying that I'll do anything for $250.
I got more than 100 emails offering me to strangle men during sex, hitting men at the same time during the sexual intercourse and all these kinky stuff. It was quite amazing.
I chose one that offered me for $300. I met this married man of 3 at Millenium Hilton Hotel in Lower Manhattan. At first, I thought he might look like very old man or something -- but no, he was suburbanite father, I swear!
We went to his suite. He had a specific instruction -- he does not want us to have sex. He does not want to touch my cock or ass. He had a tarp ready on the floor in his suite. He stripped in nude and lay on his back. Waiting for me to crap on his chest. My beautiful brownish feces on his chest. I then picked up $300 and left him alone with my poor, scared and hot feces being molested by this rich suburban daddy.
Life can be so interesting at times.
Cheers,
R-
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